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" Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. "

Abraham Lincoln

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" The funny thing is that my husband couldn't be sweeter. He looks like this bad boy. He's got tattoos and earrings and a mohawk, but when you talk to him and he's around you, he's such a gentleman. He holds doors for ladies. He pulls out chairs. He cooks. He cleans. "

" When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life. "

" If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. "

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

" I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair. "

Hillary Clinton

" Let's make some funny pictures. "

" I think anyone who has, you know, is in any sort of artistic pursuit, kind of goes up and down with the way they feel about their work. And I, for the most part, am pretty happy person. But, yeah. I go through definite periods of time where I'm not funny. I'm not good. I'm - I don't feel original. "

" I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. "

Flannery O'Connor

" I always believe that funny is serious and serious is funny. You don't really need a distinction between them. "

" I would say just start writing. You've got to write every day. Copy someone that you like if you think that perhaps could become your sound, too. I did that with Hemingway, and I thought I was writing just like Hemingway. Then all of a sudden it occurred to me - he didn't have a sense of humor. I don't know anything he's written that's funny. "

" I always find it actually funny that the analysis is that the characters I play in comedies are the manchild, the adolescent, characters that refuse to grow up. And yet, if you look back in the history of comedy all the way back to the Marx brothers, that's a big part of comedy. "

" Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively. "

Laurence J. Peter

" Viral videos aren't just about being funny. They're about identity creation. "

" Macho does not prove mucho. "

" I have a rule - 'funny is funny!' When I write comedy, it's not my aim to upset people. I will be offensive, edgy and immature, but I will also be very intelligent and relevant. At my shows, there are no holy cows. "

" I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. "

" If you are doing stand-up comedy, you have to be confident in what you are doing. That doesn't mean just because you are confident you are funny. "

Judah Friedlander

" There is always something funny going on between scenes with Adam Sandler. He's always cracking jokes and yelling at people for no reason. It's pretty funny. He'll joke around during scenes, too. When he guest-starred on 'Jessie,' there was nothing in the script that he said first take. "

" I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. "

" Oh, yes; you Virginians shed barrels of perspiration while standing off at a distance and superintending the work your slaves do for you. It is different with us. Here it is every fellow for himself, or he doesn't get there. "

Abraham Lincoln

" If we could first know where we are, and whither we are tending, we could then better judge what to do, and how to do it. "

Abraham Lincoln

" I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends. "

" I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny. "

" Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. "

" Justice Scalia and I served together on the D.C. Circuit. So his votes are not surprising to me. What I like about him is that he's very funny and very smart. "

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

" I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name. "

Paula Poundstone

" My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious. "

" The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest. "

Jean de la Bruyere

" Being elected to Congress, though I am very grateful to our friends for having done it, has not pleased me as much as I expected. "

Abraham Lincoln

" I am certain there is too much certainty in the world. "

Michael Crichton

" I try to sign for as many kids as possible. Kids come first, and I'll always sign for a kid before an adult. It's funny, because I was never big into autographs as a kid. The only player who I ever wanted an autograph from was Dave Winfield. "