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" I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. "

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" If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? "

" I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them. "

" I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. "

" I have felt cats rubbing their faces against mine and touching my cheek with claws carefully sheathed. These things, to me, are expressions of love. "

" Cats are inquisitive, but hate to admit it. "

" There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. "

" There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. "

" Cats don't like change without their consent. "

" I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.' "

" Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. "

" Why would you want to do anything else but rescue a pet? "

" I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head. "

" It is impossible for a lover of cats to banish these alert, gentle, and discriminating friends, who give us just enough of their regard and complaisance to make us hunger for more. "

" I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. "

" Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram. "

" I love cats. "

Dick Van Patten

" Every time I decide I want a child I get another pet. I have 3 dogs, 13 birds and 3 horses, what does that tell you? "

" All I want in life is to pet my dog and cat. After that, all I want to do is post photos of them. Mostly because they're the cutest things ever, but also because I don't have to worry about how ugly I look in the photo. "

" I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. "

" Maybe I was unpopular a bit because I was a teacher's pet. But even the teachers complained about me. They would say to my parents, 'For every one question any pupil asks, Walter asks 10.' "

" Pet lovers know that animals sometimes understand us better than we do, and the annals of human sin and desire provide plenty of stories to drive the point home. "

" I've teamed up with PetSmart Charities to celebrate the five million homeless pets who've found homes through their in-store adoption centers, and to spread the word about how we can work together to save millions more pets' lives and, ultimately, end pet homelessness. "

" When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. "

" I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it. "

" If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses. "

" I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. "

" I have a pet goat. "

" I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast. "

" Many who have spent a lifetime in it can tell us less of love than the child that lost a dog yesterday. "

Thornton Wilder

" I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4. "