Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Me
Yellow
Teeth
Related Quotes:
" When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Kept
Covering
Up
" I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Life
Food
My Life
" My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Met
Years
Wife
" Life is just a bowl of pits. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Bowl
Life
Just
" I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Goodness
Wife
Good
" My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Me
Friend
She
" One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Control
Birth
Boy
" My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Came
Wallet
Picture
" My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light. "
Rodney Dangerfield
She
Dark
Wife
" I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Pet
Big
Ask
" I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Parents
Bath
Tell
" When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Parents
Lot
Kid
" My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Stuck
She
Got
" My cousin's gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Find
Clock
Big
" I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Used
Feed
Ugly
" What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Him
Birds
Me
" I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Respect
Get
Way
" When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Medical
Born
Doctor
" A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Me
Said
Day
" This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Morning
Hear
Laughing
" I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Pet
Tree
Up
" I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Tree
Up
Family
" I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Drinking
Know
Juice
" If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Sex
Life
" The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Honest
Luck
Running
" I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Met
Me
He
" I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Girl
Myself
Last Night
" I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Reading
Library
Face
" My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Wife
She
Sex
" With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Birthday
Woman
Respect