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" The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount. "
Kinky Friedman
Demand
Thing
Recount
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" Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way. "
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" I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care. "
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" I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors. "
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" Young people are the key to this election. "
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" Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive. "
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" Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get. "
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" The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system. "
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" The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' "
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" We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians. "
Kinky Friedman
Got
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" If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus. "
Kinky Friedman
Bus
Never
Leave
" How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? "
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" And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians. "
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Better
Run
Musicians
" If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you. "
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" You struggle with your demons and you conquer them. "
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Demons
Your
Conquer
" We were a country band with a social conscience. "
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Country
Were
Social
" When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number. "
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Be The First
Telephone
Number
" I'll sign anything except bad legislation. "
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Legislation
Bad
Except
" I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you. "
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Head
You
Place
" Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail. "
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You
Love
Him
" I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma! "
Kinky Friedman
Oklahoma
Keep
Us
" I see an issue I like, and I support it. "
Kinky Friedman
Issue
I See
Support
" William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another. "
Kinky Friedman
William
Saint
Patron
" Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test. "
Kinky Friedman
Because
Test
Students
" I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow. "
Kinky Friedman
Drinking
Swallow
Admit
" I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow. "
Kinky Friedman
Admit
Did
Swallow
" The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror. "
Kinky Friedman
Same
Admiring
Mirror
" Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people. "
Kinky Friedman
Job
Home
Traveled
" I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us. "
Kinky Friedman
Gay
Support
Rest
" I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough. "
Kinky Friedman
Far
Even
Become
" We've had to be creative to get on the ballot. "
Kinky Friedman
Ballot
Get
Had