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" The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' "

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" I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care. "

" The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount. "

" No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions. "

" May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore. "

" If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you. "

" I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma! "

" Young people are the key to this election. "

" Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way. "

" I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you. "

" I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate. "

" I don't remember the first half of my life. All I say is a happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life. "

" The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life. "

" You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing. "

" Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive. "

" When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number. "

" I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough. "

" I don't apologize to people with an agenda. "

" Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest. "

" You struggle with your demons and you conquer them. "

" We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning. "

" I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail. "

" We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians. "

" Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get. "

" I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors. "

" I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow. "

" A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life. "

" The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror. "

" Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people. "