Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. "

Related Quotes:

" Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. "

" Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. "

" There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? "

" I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. "

" Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue. "

" My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker. "

" Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen. "

" What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. "

" Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. "

" I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. "

" If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. "

" Tradition is the illusion of permanance. "

" I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. "

" Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? "

" I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. "

" I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. "

" Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. "

" You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. "

" I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. "

" On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down . "

" As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. "

" I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. "

" I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her. "

" Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. "

" The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. "

" Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there. "

" I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. "

" Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. "

" Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. "

" If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. "