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" My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker. "

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" Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there. "

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" Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. "

" Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue. "

" If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right. "

" Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. "

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" Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. "

" What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. "

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" I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. "

" When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. "

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" Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. "

" In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. "

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" Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. "

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" I've never been an intellectual but I have this look. "

" My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. "

" Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. "

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" Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. "

" Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. "

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" I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. "

" I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. "