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" Funny is funny. "

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" Once in a while, when I'm alone, I think about my age. I think, 'How many more years do I have on this earth?' But I can't really conceive of dying. "

" Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? "

" I stopped smoking. But my personality I still have. I get up in the morning, and not everybody loves me, so if you want to call that a bad habit, there's that. "

" You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it. "

" I told jokes badly. "

" Honestly, I didn't realize it - all of a sudden, I was 90. The years skipped by quickly. When it happened, I said, 'Where did the time go?' "

" I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny. "

" Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap. "

" I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat. "

" Some people call me a legend and the last of the greats, and I appreciate it. "

" Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend! "

" I don't say I was the first, because, who knows, maybe there was a guy out in Minnesota doing it before me. "

" It takes many years to be a great comedian. "

" I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness. "

" Diana Krall I met in, I think it was Canada. She's a lovely lady. Her husband, Elvis Costello, is a great star. "

" I can get an audience screaming in Las Vegas and say, 'Barbara, that was a great show,' and she'll say, 'Would you please hurry up? We have dinner reservations at 9:30.' "

" I'm a New Yorker, originally. I was raised in Jackson Heights. I went to P.S. 148 and then Newtown High School. If World War II didn't come, I'd still be there in school. World War II saved me. "

" When I walk down the street in New York, I swear to God, the building constructor, the guy pounding cement and what not, will yell, 'Hey, you hockey puck!' "

" I ride a recumbent bike for half an hour every day. "

" The average person pushes an elevator button 6 or 7 minutes before realizing it's not working. I did a study on this, you know. "

" Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones. "

" I don't drink much anymore, but when I traveled with Frank Sinatra, God rest his soul, I used to drink like I could do it. He made it a test. In Vegas, the Rat Pack, which I was a little part of, drank all night and slept most of the day. Then, about 5 o'clock, we'd meet in the hotel steam room, lock the door, and steam our brains out. "

" I don't practice or write stuff down - everything I do onstage was just made up before I went on. "

" My father was an insurance man and a small-time gambler. He was a good man, but he had an eye for the racehorses, and I saw how it used to bother my mother. I've never gambled a dime. Never, in all those years in Vegas. "

" My mother was a big influence. She kept pushing me because I was very shy and inhibited. And schoolwork was very difficult for me because I couldn't concentrate. I was failing almost every subject. To this day, I'm not too good at reading a book. But I was the president of my high school comedy group, and they treated me like a king. "

" At 90, I'm still working a couple of dates a month. My mind is very sharp on the stage, so why not? This may sound corny, but I do it because people - young and old - still come to see me, and they're very enthusiastic about my work. They treat me like the Godfather. "

" I don't have regrets. I've never sat here and thought, 'Gee, if only I'd done 'The Man Who Came to Dinner' on Broadway, I would have been happier.' "

" I was nice to the people in the Philippines for the two and a half years I was there, because I knew eventually I'd have to kiss up to them so my grandchildren could have toys. "

" When you do comedy, you can't please the world, although I'd like to think that most of my audiences were on my side. "