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" I've never been to a dinner party where everyone at the dinner table didn't say something funny. "

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" Literature, of course, is not a contest. "

" I can really stir up a conversation. Every time I go to a meeting or a casting, I try to make it as light and funny as I can. I'm always making really awkward jokes. You have to make life fun and not take it too seriously. I may look like I'm very serious and into my work, but if you knew me, I'm just a jokester. "

Charlotte McKinney

" You see much more of your children once they leave home. "

" You know, I'm just a very boring, not very funny person in person. I don't feel pressured to be otherwise. "

" What's funny is that the idea of popularity - even the use of the word 'popular' - is something that had been mostly absent from my life since junior high. In fact, the hallmark of life after junior high seemed to be the shedding of popularity as a central concern. "

" If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents. "

" Its funny, because for females in general - not just in music, but the corporate ladder as well - anything we do has always been harder for us. When it comes to music, the industry wants you to conform, to look like this and to sound like this and do this or that. It makes it harder. It's harder for us to come out and be bosses and lead the pack. "

" I never thought of myself as like, a funny person. "

" It's a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children. "

" It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. "

" The only really good piece of advice I have for my students is, 'Write something you'd never show your mother or father.' And you know what they say? 'I could never do that!' "

" I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. "

" You can't be a real spy and have everybody in the world know who you are and what your drink is. That's just hysterically funny. "

" Japanese people have a funny habit of abbreviating names. "

Shigeru Miyamoto

" I like children - fried. "

" I've always surrounded myself with funny people. "

" The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes. "

William Feather

" 'Copper' is my first period piece. It's funny because I've been doing a lot of episodes of 'Elementary' with Johnny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu; they keep bringing me back on the show, and so I go from being an outstanding black doctor to being a kind of hood, ex-car thief who went through rehab in 'Elementary.' "

" If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. "

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

" I discovered that funny animal pictures - memes - would get a lot of likes and shares. "

" It's really funny because the same people who loved me as Stringer Bell were the same people that were watching 'Daddy's Little Girls' literally in tears. "

" I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained. "

" It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger. "

" I love fools' experiments. I am always making them. "

" It's funny, I get a little quieter with time. I don't want to chase my tail and one day repeat myself and repeat myself and one day have kids going to college and not have memories that I should, because I was too busy doing my thing. "

" I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. "

" I'm good at coming up with wacky characters and funny dialogue. "

" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "

" I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. "

" There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. "