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" I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Need
Entertained
You
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" The tour bus is always fun, and there's plenty of time to watch movies. Actually, Kanye introduced me to the movie 'Step Brothers.' We were sitting there, watching it and clowning around - it was so funny, man. "
Kid Cudi
Time
Funny
Fun
" There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh. "
Jeff Garlin
True
People
Treat
" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "
Mel Brooks
Tragedy
You
Die
" I went to private school for a very long time, and we always wore uniforms. Then in third grade, I switched to a public school, so I was so excited to wear what I wanted on the first day. I remember I chose this orange hoodie with a skirt, and it's so funny when I think about it now because my style really hasn't changed that much. "
Keke Palmer
Day
Style
School
" It sounds funny, but I always try to keep an open mind about what I'm writing about. Sometimes I squeak my opinions in there, but generally I don't. I try to be objective about things that I'm writing about. "
John Mellencamp
Mind
Funny
Writing
" I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. "
Bob Hope
Washington
Love
Money
" I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand. "
Leonardo DiCaprio
Attention
Funny
Pretending
" California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. "
Fred Allen
Live
Funny
Place
" I have never been hurt by what I have not said. "
Calvin Coolidge
Been
Funny
Hurt
" Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others' discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it's funny. "
Shah Rukh Khan
Someone
Skin
Others
" I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from. "
Eddie Izzard
Funny
Up
Europe
" The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. "
Terry Pratchett
Trouble
Trying
People
" Almost anything can be funny if said the right way - but it has to be said the right way. "
Kevin Hart
Right
Funny
Anything
" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "
Josh Billings
Together
Funny
Power
" I think that certain things are funny and certain things are okay to make fun of - including myself. "
Mila Kunis
Fun
Funny
Myself
" It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' "
Garrett Hedlund
Look
Funny
Face
" Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. "
Joan Rivers
Down
Enjoy
Life
" Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell. "
Robert Byrne
Walk
Funny
Imagine
" Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But he's also funny as hell, and he's so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, he's so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way. "
Tom Hiddleston
Funny
Sweet
Hell
" Eyebrows are really important because they structure the face. In school it was funny because I was always the one walking around with tweezers plucking my girlfriends' eyebrows. I was really good; eyebrow tweezing runs in my family - my mother used to do mine, and I picked it up. "
Rita Ora
Mother
Funny
Good
" For a Catholic kid in parochial school, the only way to survive the beatings - by classmates, not the nuns - was to be the funny guy. "
George A. Romero
Survive
Funny
School
" I always find it actually funny that the analysis is that the characters I play in comedies are the manchild, the adolescent, characters that refuse to grow up. And yet, if you look back in the history of comedy all the way back to the Marx brothers, that's a big part of comedy. "
Will Ferrell
You
Comedy
Funny
" I read part of it all the way through. "
Samuel Goldwyn
Read
Funny
Part
" All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. "
Casey Stengel
Everyone
Funny
Height
" Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. "
Erma Bombeck
Keeps
Gift
Giving
" Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. "
Ronald Reagan
Your
Questions
Opening
" If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay. "
Tom Hanks
Funny
You
Okay
" I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way. "
Joe Rogan
Doing
Way
Thought
" I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one million people a day were logging on to view it. "
Ze Frank
Funny
Dance
Day
" Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Traveled
Road
Less