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" It's really funny because the same people who loved me as Stringer Bell were the same people that were watching 'Daddy's Little Girls' literally in tears. "

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" I have found that people who really want to work at 'Saturday Night Live' and pursue it get pretty close. You have to be funny - but everyone who works there, it was their dream to work there. So it's kind of nice in that way - there's a lot of people who say, 'I just always wanted to do this, and now I'm doing it.' "

" A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. "

" There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity, that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity. "

Vladimir Nabokov

" I think anyone who has, you know, is in any sort of artistic pursuit, kind of goes up and down with the way they feel about their work. And I, for the most part, am pretty happy person. But, yeah. I go through definite periods of time where I'm not funny. I'm not good. I'm - I don't feel original. "

" I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' "

Garrett Hedlund

" If my life wasn't funny, it would just be true, and that's unacceptable. "

" Weather forecast for tonight: dark. "

" My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. "

" It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. "

" It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to. "

" After all is said and done, sit down. "

" I didn't understand key signatures or anything, you know. I'd say silly things at the top of a trumpet part like, 'Note, when you play B naturals, make the B naturals a half step lower because they sound funny if they're B naturals.' And some guy said: 'Idiot, just put a flat on the third line and it's a key signature, you know?' "

" I think 'The Wire' really is relatable. It reflects an ongoing issue across America, about inaccuracies in major cities between rich and the poor and some of the things that go on behind the red tape of council and government bodies. "

" I never liked you, and I always will. "

" Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. "

" I write funny. If I can make my wife laugh, I know I'm on the right track. But yes, I don't like to get Maudlin. And I have a tendency towards it. "

" I was flying with my brother, and he challenged me to work out on the airplane. He thought it was funny - and I did it! "

" I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name. "

Paula Poundstone

" You know, film is the ultimate goal in an actor's career. I mean, I still love TV. I have my feet firmly stamped in it. But my opportunities have been bigger and better. "

" I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. "

" Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself. "

Cathy Guisewite

" I used to write out of angst. My writing was quite miserable, quite angry, even when it was funny. It was based on this sadness and tired emotional disdain for the world. "

" Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything! "

" If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving. "

" Pretty people don't keep comedies on the air. Funny people keep comedies on the air. "

" If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! "

" Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing. "

" But it's funny that now I'm in such a happy situation, I look more objectively at my own past and see what others have seen for a long time and I'm just so glad I've been able to get to this point. "

" Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces. "