Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" Janeane Garofalo ended up, in a sense, being pushed by the media into becoming a pundit. "

Related Quotes:

" I don't understand how anybody's still a Democrat or a Republican. I don't know what they're basing it on. "

" You're on Facebook, and these people seem to have endless lives. I don't have time to live my life, let alone tell you what I'm doing, or post a photo. "

" In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants. "

" Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math! "

" I'm constantly in fear of having a stroke. "

" The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. It's unbelievable to me. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised. And there's a reason. All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. And so, since nobody eats that stuff, every year there's a ton of it left over. "

" What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense. "

" I don't buy the 'at 60 it's great to have kids' thing. I don't buy the line that has been thrown down - 'You can have a kid at any time.' That doesn't mean you should. "

" I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where my father worked. "

" I love anything that gets me outside of my own head. "

" I get an idea about something. I just start thinking about it, and then I get onstage and I talk about it, and then I think about it some more and talk about it some more, and think about it some more and talk about it some more, until it starts to take a shape. "

" If you yell about one woman, you're not a misogynist. If I yell about Michelle Bachman, that doesn't make me a misogynist. If I compare all women to Michelle Bachman, then I'm a misogynist. "

" It's a privilege to pay taxes. Yeah! It's not a political question, folks. We have to pay for stuff. "

" One thing I know about the rich, being rich, is that you can take money from me and tomorrow, I'm still going to be rich. "

" I think comics in New York are interested in being comics. And there're comics in L.A. who are touring comics, who are certainly more interested in stand-up, but a lot of L.A. stand-ups are really looking to do something else. "

" You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned. "

" Harry Reid is not funny; he's creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and creepy. "

" If I get a week off, I'll go to a hotel that has a golf course. I like to come downstairs and go right onto the course. I'll do that five days in a row. "

" Nobody in college races home and says, 'I can't wait to see the news! I can't wait to see who CBS is going to hire!' "

" The Democrats have responded to the Republicans' lack of dealing with reality by truly not dealing with reality, either. "

" I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet. "

" When a country wants television more than they want clean water, they've lost their grip. "

" The people we elect aren't bipartisan. The American public is bipartisan. "

" I would like to play Pebble Beach at some point. I keep waiting for them to call and ask me to that little pro-am thing, but I'm not big enough. "

" Self-love is a big part of golf. "

" Being a playwright is like the equivalent of doing a jigsaw puzzle that has 1,500 pieces, and it's a jigsaw of a blue sky. Not a cloud in sight. "

" I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute. "

" Anybody who likes writing a book is an idiot. Because it's impossible; it's like having a homework assignment every stinking day until it's done. And by the time you get it in, it's done and you're sitting there reading it, and you realize the 12,000 things you didn't do. I mean, writing isn't fun. It's never been fun. "

" It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.' "