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" Macs are not intuitive. It's intuitive to the person who created it. It's not intuitive to me. "
Lewis Black
Who
Created
Me
Related Quotes:
" Self-love is a big part of golf. "
Lewis Black
Golf
Big
Part
" The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. It's unbelievable to me. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised. And there's a reason. All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. And so, since nobody eats that stuff, every year there's a ton of it left over. "
Lewis Black
America
Me
History
" For a while, I thought the great disappointment of my life was that I don't have a family of my own. Then it dawned on me: That's not what I think; that's what married people think. "
Lewis Black
Great
Family
People
" Every time I use an app, part of my brain dies! We'll get to the point where we go to bed and wonder: 'Did I have a thought today?' You'll have to go to your 'Thought' app! "
Lewis Black
Thought
Brain
You
" You got to be just stupid to not be focused on alternative energy. "
Lewis Black
Just
Focused
Got
" If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat. "
Lewis Black
Believe
Ego
Health
" You've got to be stupid to heckle me - I am very equipped to win. "
Lewis Black
Me
I Am
Got
" I don't buy the 'at 60 it's great to have kids' thing. I don't buy the line that has been thrown down - 'You can have a kid at any time.' That doesn't mean you should. "
Lewis Black
Kid
Great
Down
" The fear of health care changing is beyond belief. Like there's a way to make the system worse. Really? "
Lewis Black
Health
Fear
Belief
" I'm amazed that anyone is interested in what I have to say. "
Lewis Black
Amazed
Say
Anyone
" I watch some CNN and a lot of Fox, because it helps me get irritated. "
Lewis Black
Get
Some
Me
" I've been very lucky. There are guys I know who are really terrific in this business of stand-up who have not gotten the recognition they deserve. And it's nice, if you've put in the time, to achieve that recognition. "
Lewis Black
Business
Know
Nice
" Nobody in college races home and says, 'I can't wait to see the news! I can't wait to see who CBS is going to hire!' "
Lewis Black
See
Wait
Nobody
" Parenting isn't just parenting your own child. "
Lewis Black
Child
Just
Own
" You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work. "
Lewis Black
You
Work
Go
" I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute. "
Lewis Black
Just
Insane
More
" I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind off that. "
Lewis Black
Daily
Think
Golf
" The fine line that you do when you do political comedy is, as long as you have that laugh, you're fine. "
Lewis Black
Comedy
You
Political
" I do the same gig. I might change it a little; I might slow it down if I'm in the South. I talk fast, and they're not used to people talking that fast. "
Lewis Black
Fast
Change
People
" Kids seem to get me when I play colleges - they like it because I go after them. They'll come up after and say I am like their dads, only funny. "
Lewis Black
I Am
Say
Funny
" If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has faith in them. "
Lewis Black
Faith
Vote
Think
" I continue to work on plays, but I've always felt that you could put a note in a bottle and send it offshore, and you'd have as much chance communicating with people. "
Lewis Black
You
Always
Work
" Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas. "
Lewis Black
Online
No Time
Always
" My parents were married for sixty-five years, and I was married for about ten minutes, my first year at Yale Drama School. Something, somehow, didn't get passed on to my generation. "
Lewis Black
Drama
Generation
Parents
" When people come to my act any time after Thanksgiving, I usually say, You shouldn't be here. You should be shopping. Our economy depends on you! You should be out there buying stuff.' "
Lewis Black
Time
Thanksgiving
People
" Let me be serious: divorce is a sacred institution between a man and a woman who hate each other. God wanted Adam to pay alimony to Eve, not Steve. "
Lewis Black
Hate
Woman
Me
" I like my friends because they make me feel normal, even though I'm not. "
Lewis Black
Because
Friends
Like
" As psychotic as it gets outside, the comic can be more psychotic. "
Lewis Black
Gets
Comic
Psychotic
" You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in one sentence, what it does... it's illegal. "
Lewis Black
Company
You
Want
" I am angry that the Democrats don't have the ability to explain to Republicans that we should be able to feed people in this country, and that is not socialism. "
Lewis Black
Angry
Socialism
People