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" So to me, Texas Hold 'em puts me to sleep. At least when you play stud, you can be funny as you deal. Somebody some day is going to come up with a Stud show that's going to work. "
Joseph Bologna
Funny
Day
Texas
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" How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing. "
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" I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier. "
Howard Nemerov
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" Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity. "
Thor Heyerdahl
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" What was really funny is that as I got older all those guys who called me a sissy in junior high school wanted me to be their best friend because they wanted to meet all the girls that I knew in figure skating. "
Scott Hamilton
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" A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions. "
Gilbert Gottfried
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" My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. "
Mitch Hedberg
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" I've always surrounded myself with funny people. "
Leslie Mann
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" I love fools' experiments. I am always making them. "
Charles Darwin
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" If you're public speaking, imagine yourself feeling confident; if you're nervous about a date and thinking, 'I'm gonna be a dork,' picture yourself being funny. Then it will be familiar to your brain. "
Lindsey Stirling
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" Everyone has at least one story, and each of us is funny if we admit it. You have to admit you're the funniest person you've ever heard of. "
Maya Angelou
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" Cure for an obsession: get another one. "
Mason Cooley
Obsession
Another
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" Progress was all right. Only it went on too long. "
James Thurber
Right
Funny
Too
" It's funny, the moment you dread the most, seeing yourself bald, is actually not such a bad moment at all. "
Sylvie Meis
Moment
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" It's a funny old world. "
Margaret Thatcher
Old World
World
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" A rich man's joke is always funny. "
Thomas Edward Brown
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" I didn't understand key signatures or anything, you know. I'd say silly things at the top of a trumpet part like, 'Note, when you play B naturals, make the B naturals a half step lower because they sound funny if they're B naturals.' And some guy said: 'Idiot, just put a flat on the third line and it's a key signature, you know?' "
Quincy Jones
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You
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" Personally, I feel like I'm trying to redefine what a really good rapper can be like. Like, I think it's not often where a good rapper can be making funny music. "
Lil Dicky
Feel
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Good
" Life is hard. After all, it kills you. "
Katharine Hepburn
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" I think it's a comedian's job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits. "
Donald Glover
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" It's funny because I want my teeth to be, like, neon 'Real Housewives' white, but mine have stopped taking to teeth whitening. When I talk to my dentist, I'm like, 'They can be that white,' and he's like, 'Veneers can be that white.' "
Christine Teigen
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" I used to work at NASA in Virginia. It was nothing glamorous; I was just tasked with making code compile for obscure projects, and I wasn't very good at it. Now I spend most of my time drawing pictures and looking at funny things on the Internet, which in retrospect is largely what I did at my old job, too. "
Randall Munroe
Time
Funny
Good
" A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters. "
Barbara Corcoran
Funny
Back
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" When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. "
Albert Einstein
Sit
Like
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" You know what? At the end of the day, funny is funny. I hope to see the end of all the female cliches that are written in a lot of comedies that are named chick flicks. "
Wendi McLendon-Covey
Day
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" You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own. "
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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" I always have a funny story at communion time that underscores that no one is perfect, and that communion is not for perfect people but for hungry people. "
Greg Boyle
Story
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Funny
" The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. "
Fred Allen
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" People use the guise of art, and artistic expression, to do all kinds of hateful things. It's like Trump and everybody else using the guise of humor to say hateful things, the excuse being, 'I was just being funny.' "
Luvvie Ajayi
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" It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' "
Garrett Hedlund
Look
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Face
" Never put a sock in a toaster. "
Eddie Izzard
Put
Sock
Never