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" It's a funny old world. "

Margaret Thatcher

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" I'd love to become like Bill Murray, who was so funny on 'Saturday Night Live' and has gone on to do some of the landmark comedies people like. And then to add this whole other phase to his career with 'Lost in Translation' and 'Rushmore.' I always felt to be able to have something similar to that would be great. "

" James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was. "

" I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. "

" It's funny: your happiness is contingent on a bigger picture besides just yourself. "

" Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. "

" This lady is not for turning. "

Margaret Thatcher

" Never put a sock in a toaster. "

" When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine. "

" It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life. "

" The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously. "

" Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it. "

" Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top. "

" I get a stack of scripts, like, once a month, and most of the time, you find these placeholder girls that are there to provide a bounce for the male character. So we know he's funny because she's serious and she's mad at him. We know he's strong because she needs saving. So really, her job is to validate this personality trait of our hero or male. "

" There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity, that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity. "

Vladimir Nabokov

" Now a 'funnyman' can get a laugh before opening his mouth - looking funny. Lou Costello was one of your great funnymen. Harry Langdon, Larry Semon; they were all funnymen - they looked funny. W.C. Fields was never a comedian. Slim Summerville was a comedian, yet looked funny. Now if you have both attributes, you are in good shape. "

" Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? "

Robert Benchley

" Tell me I'm beautiful, it's nothing. Tell me I'm intellectual - I know it. Tell me I'm funny, and it's the greatest compliment in the world anyone could give me. "

" Who included me among the ranks of the human race? "

" When I was in improv workshops or doing stand-up or writing comedy with others, or just doing comedy, I just laughed. Funny was funny; I loved to laugh. I always liked people I found generally funny. "

" As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler. "

" The spirit of envy can destroy; it can never build. "

Margaret Thatcher

" Scenes change all the time. Scenes will change while you're shooting them, and you just have to roll with it 'cause that's what makes it funny. It's not being stuck in your character and how you're gonna do something, but to react to other people and to really have a real-life conversation. "

" Until I was about 14, I was a fat boy, or at least I looked like a fat boy. I think that being funny was a bit of a defence mechanism for me, so I ended up being a bit of a joker. "

" I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. "

Winston Churchill

" I never said most of the things I said. "

" I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. "

" You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own. "

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

" The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other peoples' money. "

Margaret Thatcher

" Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings. "

Sparky Anderson

" I'm crazy, funny, and good looking! "