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" A rich man's joke is always funny. "
Thomas Edward Brown
" Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. "
" I started writing 'Southern Baptist Sissies' right after I had written the screenplay for 'Sordid Lives', so that's when I started on a darker path in telling the truth about my journey in the church, but there was still a lot of funny. "
" There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. "
" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "
" I love the funny and sweet moments I have with my cats, Jake and Frank, so I'm honored to be celebrating these moments at the Catdance Film Festival. "
" What's so funny about cats is that they have this kind of aloof, superior vibe to them. Even if you love them, they are unpredictable. Dogs are more social, and the way that they attach and bond to us is much more human. "
" Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. "
" I used to write out of angst. My writing was quite miserable, quite angry, even when it was funny. It was based on this sadness and tired emotional disdain for the world. "
" It's funny: When I first heard they were thinking of me for the president in 'Independence Day,' I just assumed it was a comedy - I didn't exactly think of myself as leader-of-the-free-world material. "
" I'm a pretty funny guy, and I would love to do a comedy with a bunch of funny guys - movie-star guys, where they could help me through it. "
" My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. "
" They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. "
" Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups. "
" I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about serious things, but in a funny way. Other comedians will talk about serious things in a serious way, and then you don't know what's going on. "
" Humor has become so cliche and boring that nothing's funny anymore unless it involves something totally disgusting that offends somebody or makes them feel really uncomfortable. "
" I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican. "
" I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. "
" Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. "
" A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.' "
" The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. "
" I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do. "
" I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. "
" Sometimes I think I'm funny. But then sometimes I see myself, and I think, 'There's somebody trying to be funny.' "
" Reality continues to ruin my life. "
" There's a darkness under 'The Hangover' because ultimately there's a missing person and it's not really that funny. There's a sort of darkness under it that I love, and still people are laughing as hard if not harder than they did in 'Old School.' "
" It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of works out, because by the time I die, I'm usually tired of working on that particular movie, so I look forward to it. "
" Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. "
" All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead. "
" The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them. "
" As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler. "