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" You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own. "

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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" Living big and joyful and content is almost always the result of our finding satisfaction in life's ordinary day-to-day pleasures. And God must be fond of them, too, for He made so many of them for us to enjoy. "

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

" Our records, if you have a dark sense of humor, were funny, but our records weren't about comedy. They were about protests, fantasy, confrontation and all that. "

" I went to private school for a very long time, and we always wore uniforms. Then in third grade, I switched to a public school, so I was so excited to wear what I wanted on the first day. I remember I chose this orange hoodie with a skirt, and it's so funny when I think about it now because my style really hasn't changed that much. "

" My mother was a nurse, and in her era, most diseases weren't understood; people put mustard plasters on knees and rubbed camphor on your chest if you had a cough and did funny things to you if you had tuberculosis - all these things that really made very little difference once proper treatments were brought in. "

" We adore babies because they're so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all backwards. It is. And Darwin shows us why. "

" Isn't it funny how babies laugh a lot? I read a toddler, a young child laughs 300 times a day. The average adult laughs, like, four times a day. God put it in them. He put the laugh in us, but I think sometimes we let life get us down, you know, have bad breaks, and we lose our breaks. "

" I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. "

" It sounds funny, but I always try to keep an open mind about what I'm writing about. Sometimes I squeak my opinions in there, but generally I don't. I try to be objective about things that I'm writing about. "

John Mellencamp

" My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. "

" Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax. "

Charles Kettering

" If something is shocking without being funny it's hard to justify. "

Seth MacFarlane

" Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. "

" It's true; once you are a father, there's no turning back. Your heart strings as well as your purse strings are never again the same. "

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

" When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.' "

" I was flying with my brother, and he challenged me to work out on the airplane. He thought it was funny - and I did it! "

" You know what? At the end of the day, funny is funny. I hope to see the end of all the female cliches that are written in a lot of comedies that are named chick flicks. "

Wendi McLendon-Covey

" To me, wealth is the peace of mind you have, your family, your friends, your colleagues. Everything else is just money, and it really is funny how people pay so much attention to that. "

Ricardo Salinas Pliego

" I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared. "

" Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" Never put a sock in a toaster. "

" A funny thing about near-future stories: the future catches up to them. If the author is unlucky, the future catches up faster than the book can get out the door. "

Edward M. Lerner

" It's funny; recently I've started to notice people's impersonations of me, and it's basically like a hyperactive child. "

" If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents. "

" Any joke can be funny, but not any joke is funny. Any joke has the potential to be hilarious to you, but more importantly, the joke has the potential to not be funny to you but to someone else. "

Phoebe Robinson

" Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. "

Benjamin Franklin

" I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. "

Arthur Conan Doyle

" I wasn't close to my father, but I wanted to be all my life. He had a funny sense of humor, and he laughed all the time - good and loud, like I do. He was a gay Irish gentleman and very good-looking. And he wanted to be close to me, too, but we never had much time together. "

" Be obscure clearly. "

" I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses. "

" When I'm funny is when I'm angriest. "