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" There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. "
Erma Bombeck
Humor
Laughter
Pain
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" One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is. "
Erma Bombeck
Rest
Child
Hat
" Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it. "
Erma Bombeck
Admit
People
Parents
" It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. "
Erma Bombeck
Mother
Understanding
Mom
" Humor is rare in science fiction... there's so little of it that it automatically reminds you of other heroes with that acerbic humor when you find it. "
John Scalzi
Humor
Find
You
" A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. "
Erma Bombeck
You
Because
Diet
" When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. "
Erma Bombeck
Call
Nothing
Child
" If you are a small company taking on a big company, you need to have a sense of humor. "
Richard Branson
Small
Humor
Need
" Total absence of humor renders life impossible. "
Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
Life
Total
Absence
" I think kids want the same thing from a book that adults want - a fast-paced story, characters worth caring about, humor, surprises, and mystery. A good book always keeps you asking questions, and makes you keep turning pages so you can find out the answers. "
Rick Riordan
Think
Book
Caring
" Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. "
Erma Bombeck
Mother
Infinite
White
" I love Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart because they're bringing irony back into American humor, which is a delicious treat. The entire Colbert persona of being extreme right-wing when he's not at all is highly amusing. He does it so well, but sometimes a little too well. My wife is convinced he's completely that way. "
John Lydon
Wife
Back
Humor
" Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you. "
Erma Bombeck
Home
Hurt
Work
" I don't feel any need to play the role of the clown. In my private life I take a break from humor. "
Gad Elmaleh
Clown
Feel
Humor
" Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. "
Mark Twain
Live
Preach
Teach
" When humor works, it works because it's clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real. "
Tina Fey
People
Feel
Come
" I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up. "
Erma Bombeck
Human Mind
Facts
Human
" Humor is an antidote to all ills. "
Patch Adams
Ills
Antidote
Humor
" Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old. "
Erma Bombeck
Why
Like
Shopping
" I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor. "
Louis C. K.
Lost
Lot
People
" When humor goes, there goes civilization. "
Erma Bombeck
Goes
Humor
Civilization
" Humor is the most engaging cowardice. "
Robert Frost
Humor
Cowardice
Engaging
" Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn't: Go stick your head in the mud. "
Jesse Ventura
Humor
Head
You
" I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. "
Erma Bombeck
Gravy
Where
Food
" You've got to have a sense of humor to keep your sanity. "
Lance Bass
You
Got
Humor
" Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? "
Erma Bombeck
Carousel
Luggage
Never
" When you say a friend has a sense of humor do you mean that he makes you laugh, or that he can make you laugh? "
Max Frisch
Laugh
Mean
Say
" The man with the real sense of humor is the man who can put himself in the spectator's place and laugh at his own misfortune. "
Bert Williams
Place
Humor
Laugh
" Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead. "
Erma Bombeck
Small
Someone
Dead
" I am often the brunt of my own humor. "
Charles R. Swindoll
I Am
Am
Often
" Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you. "
Erma Bombeck
Up
Try
Keep