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" It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. "
Erma Bombeck
Mother
Understanding
Mom
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" Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it. "
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" A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. "
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" In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television. "
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" Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go. "
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" Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely. "
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" All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. "
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" I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order. "
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" The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. "
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" Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. "
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" If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. "
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