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" There's nothing I dislike more than being in a photo shoot where they say, 'Be yourself.' That's not why I became an actress. That's what I find so funny: that you become an actor, and all of a sudden, everyone wants to know about you. But I didn't become an actor so I could show you me. "

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" Boston is actually the capital of the world. You didn't know that? We breed smart-ass, quippy, funny people. Not that I'm one of them. I just sorta sneaked in under the radar. "

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" Every man has a sane spot somewhere. "

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" What is scary to me is silly to somebody else. CG isn't scary to me. It's like comedy - comedy and horror are quite similar, in that there'll always be somebody who'll say, 'I don't think that was funny.' And it's the same with things that are meant to be scary. "

" 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director - who were just fun. "

" Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? "

" Its funny, because for females in general - not just in music, but the corporate ladder as well - anything we do has always been harder for us. When it comes to music, the industry wants you to conform, to look like this and to sound like this and do this or that. It makes it harder. It's harder for us to come out and be bosses and lead the pack. "

" A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions. "

" Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. "

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" As for our majority... one is enough. "

" When you look at movies, the lead girl is always gorgeous and thin. There is a stereotype that you need to look a certain way and when you get in the business you really feel the pressure. "

" If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer. "

" Back in the '70s, like one of my favorite movies ever was 'The Bad News Bears', and that was a kids' movie, but I don't think of it that way. I think of it as just a great movie because Walter Matthau was so funny and so harsh with those kids. "

" It's a funny old world. "

" I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. "

" Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. "

" We actually found some home videos, some really funny footage of me when I was around 3 years old. I come up to the camera to do a Nixon impression. I don't know who taught me that, but I come up to the camera and said, 'I am not a crook.' I got a really good laugh. You see me register that bringing joy to people is a positive thing. "

" If I feel you're funny, I want to work with you. "

" I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from. "

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" It's funny because I want my teeth to be, like, neon 'Real Housewives' white, but mine have stopped taking to teeth whitening. When I talk to my dentist, I'm like, 'They can be that white,' and he's like, 'Veneers can be that white.' "

" I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny. "

" It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget. "

" I was so afraid to even read a paper in front of my classmates. It is very funny because at that point my teachers would never have believed that I could speak in front of an audience of over 2,000 people. "

" As a small child, I could watch anything happen and tell a story, and it was funny. "

" It's been very funny to try to act like an adult. Even getting dressed. Every day, I'm like, 'Should I wear a blazer and walk around with an umbrella? Do I carry a briefcase?' Because I'm trying to be some image of the adults I saw on TV growing up. "

" If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. "

" There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off. "

" Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Don't try to be someone that society wants you to be; that's stupid. So be yourself. "

" Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day. "

" My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. "

" I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. "