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" I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. "

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" It's a funny thing: my name in Arabic means hope, so I suppose I have to live by that principle. Hope is desire, feeling, and investing in a projection of something that doesn't yet exist. At its best, you witness its alchemy in your life, turning something that was once in the mind into reality. At its worst, it's delusion. "

" By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out. "

Richard Dawkins

" Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? "

" The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. "

" There's nothing I dislike more than being in a photo shoot where they say, 'Be yourself.' That's not why I became an actress. That's what I find so funny: that you become an actor, and all of a sudden, everyone wants to know about you. But I didn't become an actor so I could show you me. "

" I'm not saying that I'm on some crusade to change people's minds. I'm just doing what I do. I'm a comedian, I'm trying to be funny... I think when they see a comedy show with an Iranian and an Egyptian and two Palestinians, I think they go, 'Oh wow, these guys are just like us.' "

" I'm a funny guy. You've got to be able to make fun of yourself. We only live once. "

" Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. "

" Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups. "

Cathy Guisewite

" Japanese people have a funny habit of abbreviating names. "

Shigeru Miyamoto

" You cannot dictate what people find funny, what people find attractive, or what people find scary. There is not a norm. "

Guillermo del Toro

" If you believe, as I do believe, in reincarnation, they say that every time you come back, it's because you have to finish something. I've a funny feeling that my thing in this life is to have one relationship after another. "

" I look out at the stadiums full of people and see them all knowing the words to songs I wrote. And curling their hair! I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It's just funny. And wonderful. "

" I am the shortest and least funny person in my family. "

Heather Donahue

" It's obviously funny to be a meme, so I could be down with it in that regard, but it also belittles one's art. "

" So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year? "

Christina Aguilera

" If my mother hadn't laughed at the funny things I did, I probably wouldn't be a comic actor. After she had her first heart attack, the doctor said, 'Try to make her laugh.' And that was the first time I tried to make anyone laugh. "

" Some people say funny things, but I say things funny. "

" Its funny, because for females in general - not just in music, but the corporate ladder as well - anything we do has always been harder for us. When it comes to music, the industry wants you to conform, to look like this and to sound like this and do this or that. It makes it harder. It's harder for us to come out and be bosses and lead the pack. "

" It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. "

" Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. "

" If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. "

" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "

David Letterman

" It's really funny because the same people who loved me as Stringer Bell were the same people that were watching 'Daddy's Little Girls' literally in tears. "

" What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes. "

" I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. "

" Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" I'm attracted to women who are smart and funny and ambitious and have lives of their own and great families. Isn't that what attracts anyone? "

" I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me. "

" Humor is the oxygen of children's literature. There's a lot of competition for children's time, but even kids who hate to read want to read a funny book. "