Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me. "
Pat Paulsen
Alive
Find
Me
Related Quotes:
" Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon. "
Pat Paulsen
Cheap
Blame
Fault
" You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can only make a monkey out of the voters every four years! "
Pat Paulsen
You
Years
Time
" We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and, of course, the boogieman. "
Pat Paulsen
Course
Itself
Nothing
" The Clinton Administration has turned out to be a boon. I knew that he would be wonderful, I just knew it from the beginning. From Arkansas? Shoot. "
Pat Paulsen
Shoot
Wonderful
Out
" I once told Tommy Smothers, 'If I could just get the money and the women straightened out, the rest of my life would be easy.' "
Pat Paulsen
Money
My Life
Rest
" It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies. "
Pat Paulsen
Kissing
Hands
Tough
" In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president. "
Pat Paulsen
Never
America
Boy
" All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian. "
Pat Paulsen
Today
Problems
Policy
" If elected, I will win. "
Pat Paulsen
Win
Will
Elected
" Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles. "
Pat Paulsen
Assuming
Right
Fly
" Should we continue to spend billions to subsidize foreign military dictatorships, or should we concentrate on taking better care of the one we have right here at home? "
Pat Paulsen
Care
Right
Military
" As I've always said: The future lies ahead. "
Pat Paulsen
Said
Lies
Future
" You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check. "
Pat Paulsen
Understand
You
Credit
" Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not? "
Pat Paulsen
Why Not
Will
Why
" I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show. "
Pat Paulsen
Enough
Me
Money
" I've upped my standards. Now, up yours. "
Pat Paulsen
Up
Now
Standards
" We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go. "
Pat Paulsen
Way
Beautiful
Late
" A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you're walking down a street and you spot a moose? "
Pat Paulsen
You
Street
Down
" We must remember that as the centuries go by, time will pass. "
Pat Paulsen
Must
Go
Will
" Presidents tend to tinker, you know, and mess everything up. "
Pat Paulsen
Mess
Know
Everything
" I like to pour my wines for people. I watch their eyes, I can see what they'll like. Most people say they don't like dry wine because they haven't had a dry wine that's clean and fruity, instead of a big, oaky thing. "
Pat Paulsen
Eyes
Wine
Watch
" I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird. "
Pat Paulsen
I Am
Right Wing
Right
" I will not claim I will solve all the world's problems by myself. If I did, I'd have to run as a Republican or a Democrat. "
Pat Paulsen
Republican
Run
World
" I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. "
Pat Paulsen
Good
Wine
You
" People come up to me in bars and on street corners and they say to me, 'Hey, Paulsen, have you got any change?' "
Pat Paulsen
You
Change
Say
" I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced - I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man. "
Pat Paulsen
Song
Stand
Man
" Now that my wine has been served in the White House, why not me? Who could talk to farmers better than I? Somebody even asked me the other day if I had anything in my platform about taxes. 'Hell yes,' I said. 'Great state. But I wouldn't want to live there.' "
Pat Paulsen
Day
Great
Wine
" I don't need adult supervision. "
Pat Paulsen
Adult
Need
Supervision
" Deep down, I happen to be very shallow. "
Pat Paulsen
Down
Very
Shallow
" Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.' "
Pat Paulsen
World
Will
White