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" You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can only make a monkey out of the voters every four years! "
Pat Paulsen
You
Years
Time
Related Quotes:
" In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president. "
Pat Paulsen
Never
America
Boy
" I think I'd make a pretty good president, and they have a great pension plan. "
Pat Paulsen
Make
Plan
Pretty
" We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go. "
Pat Paulsen
Way
Beautiful
Late
" I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn't it? "
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Job
Good
Good Job
" The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down. "
Pat Paulsen
Last
My Life
Ride
" Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not? "
Pat Paulsen
Why Not
Will
Why
" I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird. "
Pat Paulsen
I Am
Right Wing
Right
" Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles. "
Pat Paulsen
Assuming
Right
Fly
" I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good. "
Pat Paulsen
Good
Live
Look
" Deep down, I happen to be very shallow. "
Pat Paulsen
Down
Very
Shallow
" Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.' "
Pat Paulsen
World
Will
White
" I once told Tommy Smothers, 'If I could just get the money and the women straightened out, the rest of my life would be easy.' "
Pat Paulsen
Money
My Life
Rest
" All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian. "
Pat Paulsen
Today
Problems
Policy
" We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and, of course, the boogieman. "
Pat Paulsen
Course
Itself
Nothing
" Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar. "
Pat Paulsen
Down
People
Sugar
" As I've always said: The future lies ahead. "
Pat Paulsen
Said
Lies
Future
" Yeah, I'm running for the White House again. Well, it's not a run, really; it's sort of a brisk walk. "
Pat Paulsen
Run
Running
Walk
" I don't need adult supervision. "
Pat Paulsen
Adult
Need
Supervision
" We must remember that as the centuries go by, time will pass. "
Pat Paulsen
Must
Go
Will
" I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me. "
Pat Paulsen
Alive
Find
Me
" Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its 'saucy nuances.' "
Pat Paulsen
People
Enjoy
Tired
" I've upped my standards. Now, up yours. "
Pat Paulsen
Up
Now
Standards
" I like to pour my wines for people. I watch their eyes, I can see what they'll like. Most people say they don't like dry wine because they haven't had a dry wine that's clean and fruity, instead of a big, oaky thing. "
Pat Paulsen
Eyes
Wine
Watch
" I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced - I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man. "
Pat Paulsen
Song
Stand
Man
" If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun. "
Pat Paulsen
Old Enough
Gun
Enough
" I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show. "
Pat Paulsen
Enough
Me
Money
" The Clinton Administration has turned out to be a boon. I knew that he would be wonderful, I just knew it from the beginning. From Arkansas? Shoot. "
Pat Paulsen
Shoot
Wonderful
Out
" I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. "
Pat Paulsen
Good
Wine
You
" A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you're walking down a street and you spot a moose? "
Pat Paulsen
You
Street
Down
" Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon. "
Pat Paulsen
Cheap
Blame
Fault