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" Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. "

Alexander Woollcott

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" I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. "

" What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny. "

" I regret behaving badly when I was younger. I did not know any better at the time. The thing is that the incidents that I caused were not funny... Youth is wasted on the young. It is better to have the wisdom of an old man in a young body... I was a bit foolish and teased people, trying to be funny. "

" But I think Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang really got that thing where, if a movie reads really funny and then has some dramatic or violent or sinister stuff in it, you can't forget that primarily it has to be even funnier than you read it or that other stuff doesn't work. "

Robert Downey, Jr.

" I love comedians that dive into politics. I personally don't feel comfortable, with my background, weighing in unless I have a take that I think is funny enough that I would put it in front of an audience. "

" Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore. "

" Any joke can be funny, but not any joke is funny. Any joke has the potential to be hilarious to you, but more importantly, the joke has the potential to not be funny to you but to someone else. "

Phoebe Robinson

" People use the guise of art, and artistic expression, to do all kinds of hateful things. It's like Trump and everybody else using the guise of humor to say hateful things, the excuse being, 'I was just being funny.' "

" I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one. "

" With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny. "

" The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. "

Alexander Woollcott

" Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. "

" The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" What after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean. "

Christopher Fry

" I actually think of being funny as an odd turn of mind, like a mild disability, some weird way of looking at the world that you can't get rid of. "

" Even Napoleon had his Watergate. "

" I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church. "

" The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh no, it's on the house.' "

Richard Branson

" In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. "

" I'm screamingly funny, you know, I really am in the books. And that helps because I'm funnier than a lot of people, I think, and that's appreciated by young people. "

" I have never been hurt by what I have not said. "

Calvin Coolidge

" I'm not funny. What I am is brave. "

" Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing. "

" I discovered that funny animal pictures - memes - would get a lot of likes and shares. "

" Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. "

" People often can't separate, or can't understand, that to be funny is to be serious; it's a way of pulling people in and not scaring them off. I think a lot of the funny stuff, underneath it, there's a deep anxiety going on. "

" The tour bus is always fun, and there's plenty of time to watch movies. Actually, Kanye introduced me to the movie 'Step Brothers.' We were sitting there, watching it and clowning around - it was so funny, man. "

" A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. "

" Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything! "

" My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. "