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" If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. "
William Lyon Phelps
" If I didn't start painting, I would have raised chickens. "
William Lyon Phelps
" The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. "
" My mother was a nurse, and in her era, most diseases weren't understood; people put mustard plasters on knees and rubbed camphor on your chest if you had a cough and did funny things to you if you had tuberculosis - all these things that really made very little difference once proper treatments were brought in. "
" You know what? At the end of the day, funny is funny. I hope to see the end of all the female cliches that are written in a lot of comedies that are named chick flicks. "
" Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. "
Charles Dudley Warner
" I'm good at coming up with wacky characters and funny dialogue. "
" He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. "
" Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. "
" If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. "
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
" It's obviously funny to be a meme, so I could be down with it in that regard, but it also belittles one's art. "
" It's a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children. "
" Turns out you have a really fun time if you go to work every day and focus on being silly and funny and happy! "
" Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. "
" You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am. "
" You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't. "
" I don't know, maybe Australian humour isn't supposed to be funny. It's as dry as the Sahara, and I think people miss that. "
" I've had an experience through music that has touched almost every part of me. It educated me in ways that I didn't get educated in school. So we try to lay on a bit of that, through being funny, being serious, playing hard. "
" If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! "
" Let's make some funny pictures. "
" I divide all readers into two classes: those who read to remember and those who read to forget. "
William Lyon Phelps
" I started writing 'Southern Baptist Sissies' right after I had written the screenplay for 'Sordid Lives', so that's when I started on a darker path in telling the truth about my journey in the church, but there was still a lot of funny. "
" I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down. "
" I used to write out of angst. My writing was quite miserable, quite angry, even when it was funny. It was based on this sadness and tired emotional disdain for the world. "
" I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad. "
Moon Unit Zappa
" But I think Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang really got that thing where, if a movie reads really funny and then has some dramatic or violent or sinister stuff in it, you can't forget that primarily it has to be even funnier than you read it or that other stuff doesn't work. "
Robert Downey, Jr.
" You're only as good as your last haircut. "
" It is funny to me that because I can run, because I'm athletic, people tend to see that as my only asset. "
" There's a rule of writing: if everything is funny, nothing is funny; if everything is sad, nothing is sad. You want that contrast. "
J. Michael Straczynski
" Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day. "
" It's funny: your happiness is contingent on a bigger picture besides just yourself. "