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" Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups. "
Cathy Guisewite
Love
Guilt
Funny
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" I realized I was gay in the shower one day with Barbra Streisand. It happened while I was lathering, rinsing, and repeating with Pert Plus. As I was belting out the chorus to my favorite song from 'Funny Girl,' 'Oh my man, I love him so, he'll never know...' it hit me. "
Ross Mathews
Day
Song
Love
" I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "
Groucho Marx
Evening
Wonderful
Had
" Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark. "
O. Henry
Want
Turn
Lights
" Animal welfare issues have always been important to me. "
Cathy Guisewite
Welfare
Animal
Important
" Does it bother me that I'm attached to 'Three's Company' 30 years after? Not at all. All we were trying to do was be funny. How can I complain? That's all I wanted to do. "
Joyce DeWitt
Company
Years
Trying
" People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. "
Ellen DeGeneres
People
You
Always
" My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. "
Mike Myers
Dare
Cuisine
Funny
" I would ask my mother to show me how to walk - and she did show me. That's why I think it's funny when people say, 'Did so-and-so teach you how to walk?' And I always say, 'You must be talking about my mother, because it was my mother who taught me how to walk.' "
Naomi Campbell
Me
People
Think
" You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own. "
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Always
You
Man
" I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, 'Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good.' Hopefully it balances out. "
Demetri Martin
People
Me
Think
" I think I knew I was funny in Elementary School. I think most funny people realize it when they're young. It tends to come out of stress or trauma - something that makes you want to be funny. "
Julie Brown
School
Stress
Think
" After all is said and done, sit down. "
Bill Copeland
Down
Said
Sit
" What is scary to me is silly to somebody else. CG isn't scary to me. It's like comedy - comedy and horror are quite similar, in that there'll always be somebody who'll say, 'I don't think that was funny.' And it's the same with things that are meant to be scary. "
Guillermo del Toro
Think
Comedy
Horror
" I can really stir up a conversation. Every time I go to a meeting or a casting, I try to make it as light and funny as I can. I'm always making really awkward jokes. You have to make life fun and not take it too seriously. I may look like I'm very serious and into my work, but if you knew me, I'm just a jokester. "
Charlotte McKinney
Light
Work
Fun
" I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends. "
Steven Wright
Mirror
Funny
Think
" If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. "
Henny Youngman
Tomorrow
Sorry
Morning
" Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish. "
Chevy Chase
Funny
Pets
Personality
" Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. "
Bill Vaughan
Happiness
Study
Research
" I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair. "
Hillary Clinton
Funny
Hair
Myself
" When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine. "
David Brenner
Funny
Bar
Looking
" This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. "
Oscar Wilde
Will
Suspense
Last
" To me, the funniest American of the Twentieth Century is Richard Nixon because he had the most to hide, and he was so bad at hiding it. To me, that's what's really funny - people who think they're doing a great job of hiding stuff, and it just keeps leaking out. "
Harry Shearer
Me
Funny
Great
" It's funny to be in rooms where you were originally referred to as 'The Shakespeare Guy' and to suddenly be in the position where you're 'The Blockbuster Guy.' That's a pretty unusual turnabout, I must say. "
Kenneth Branagh
Guy
Funny
You
" A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. "
Bob Hope
Funny
Where
Guy
" I actually think of being funny as an odd turn of mind, like a mild disability, some weird way of looking at the world that you can't get rid of. "
Calvin Trillin
Looking
Funny
You
" Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. "
Robert Benchley
Drawing
Funny
Nothing
" I'm funny. I'm a comedian. I'm not a clown. "
Bernie Mac
Comedian
Funny
Clown
" I'm not a fussy eater, but when I'm travelling, I try to stick to the same regime and just have my chicken and my mash and broccoli. Otherwise, you start eating all these funny delicacies, and it makes your tummy turn upside down. "
Ella Henderson
You
Eating
Start
" I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. "
Robert Benchley
Know
Great
Nothing
" The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh no, it's on the house.' "
Richard Branson
Will
Say
Funny