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" Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again. "

Robert A. Heinlein

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" What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny. "

" I started writing 'Southern Baptist Sissies' right after I had written the screenplay for 'Sordid Lives', so that's when I started on a darker path in telling the truth about my journey in the church, but there was still a lot of funny. "

" I would ask my mother to show me how to walk - and she did show me. That's why I think it's funny when people say, 'Did so-and-so teach you how to walk?' And I always say, 'You must be talking about my mother, because it was my mother who taught me how to walk.' "

" Movies don't look hard, but figuring it out, getting the shape of it, getting everybody's character right and having it be funny, make sense and be romantic, it's creating a puzzle. Yes, having been a writer for so long, I have an awareness of when things are going awry, but it doesn't mean I know how to fix them. "

" Life is hard. After all, it kills you. "

Katharine Hepburn

" Somebody said something funny to me the other day. They said, 'Wolper, until two weeks ago, your tombstone was going to say, 'David Wolper, the man who produced 'Roots.' I think the tombstone now has a new inscription. It's going to be 'David Wolper, the man who produced the opening ceremony of the 1984 Olympics.' "

David L. Wolper

" Be obscure clearly. "

" I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny. "

" At home in L.A., Sunday is lazy. It's the wife and me lying in bed with coffee, watching 'The Soup' or something funny on TiVo. The kid will occasionally join us. Eventually, breakfast is at a place down the street called Paty's. And we always have some kind of great dinner - my wife makes a great roast beef. "

" I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. "

" The funny thing about the people I don't like - they're very self-centered. "

" Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick. "

" I'm a pretty funny guy, and I would love to do a comedy with a bunch of funny guys - movie-star guys, where they could help me through it. "

" Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. "

" By cultivating the beautiful we scatter the seeds of heavenly flowers, as by doing good we cultivate those that belong to humanity. "

Robert A. Heinlein

" I went out with seven actors in a row. There are problems with that. I've had the really good-looking dramatic actor, and that has its problems. And then I'll go out with the funny guy. It's almost like the funny guy has more to prove. "

Jennifer Coolidge

" You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things. "

" What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes. "

" So to me, Texas Hold 'em puts me to sleep. At least when you play stud, you can be funny as you deal. Somebody some day is going to come up with a Stud show that's going to work. "

" Unless someone wants to look funny, I'll not recommend anyone to copy my bowling action. But on a serious note, with the confidence that I have got from the amount of runs I have been scoring, when I'm thrown the ball to bowl, I am pretty sure of what I have to do. I may not be the most attractive to watch while bowling, but I can be effective. "

" I'm crazy, funny, and good looking! "

" If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. "

" Often, joking for me is a way of diffusing the awkwardness of a situation, so it's kind of exhilarating to be a part of projects where there's nothing funny or lighthearted. "

" It's funny: your happiness is contingent on a bigger picture besides just yourself. "

" I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. "

" When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice. "

" You are not just a funny person or just a journalist. Most people are hybrids of having a smart opinion and a great sense of humor. "

" Never insult anyone by accident. "

Robert A. Heinlein

" I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room. "

Mercedes McCambridge

" Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? "

Robert Benchley