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" How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. "
Emo Philips
People
How
Here
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" Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it. "
Sam Levenson
Temptation
Funny
Find
" I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair. "
Bette Davis
Kiss
Washed
Ya
" Lana Turner was adorable and funny. Jimmy Stewart was such a nice person. I quickly realized that if you're not a nice person, you're not going to last in this business. I mean, once your box office starts to drop off, like Veronica Lake, they'll get rid of you fast. "
Robert Osborne
You
Fast
Funny
" I've always surrounded myself with funny people. "
Leslie Mann
People
Funny
Always
" Leave America and you'll find that the consumers in many other countries enjoy watching advertising. Not because the products are better, but because the ads are produced to be entertaining. Sometimes they are funny. Sometimes they are dramatic. Sometimes they are just beautiful. "
Simon Sinek
Beautiful
Funny
America
" Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. "
Joan Rivers
Down
Enjoy
Life
" Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark. "
O. Henry
Want
Turn
Lights
" I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad. "
Moon Unit Zappa
Funny
Sad
Think
" It's funny; it's a real balancing act. In TV, everybody's talking about authenticity. In order to make 'Dirty Jobs' authentic, I really can't be overly informed. The minute I am, I become a host... It's a very tricky business paying a tribute to work, because TV is very bad at it. "
Mike Rowe
Bad
Business
Funny
" When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. "
Rita Rudner
Name
Always
First
" The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' "
Isaac Asimov
New
Most
Hear
" I write funny. If I can make my wife laugh, I know I'm on the right track. But yes, I don't like to get Maudlin. And I have a tendency towards it. "
Gene Wilder
Laugh
Wife
Right
" What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? "
W. Clement Stone
Scoundrel
Cork
Funny
" One man is as good as another until he has written a book. "
Benjamin Jowett
Man
He
Funny
" I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty. "
Bob Hope
Funny
Liberty
People
" Men are only as loyal as their options. "
Bill Maher
Funny
Options
Only
" All I've wanted to be is someone people look up to. It's funny - everyone says I'm controversial. I've never worked out what it is about me that's controversial. I've never had a DUI; I've never been in a brawl; you've never seen photos of me walking out of clubs at 5 A.M. "
Ruby Rose
People
You
Look
" You cannot dictate what people find funny, what people find attractive, or what people find scary. There is not a norm. "
Guillermo del Toro
Find
Funny
People
" I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. "
Samuel Goldwyn
Write
Think
Funny
" Every dogma has its day. "
Anthony Burgess
Every
Funny
Dogma
" I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life. "
Karan Patel
Life
I Am
Enjoy Life
" If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. "
Tallulah Bankhead
Mistakes
Funny
Life
" We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. "
Louis Aragon
Know
Genius
Funny
" One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. "
Samuel Johnson
Words
Funny
Man
" It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. "
Bill Hicks
Funny
Always
Humor
" Probably spending 12 years at boarding school - comedy became a survival gene. But I think some people are funny right off the bat, as soon as they can speak or be naughty. "
Eric Idle
Survival
Funny
People
" I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met. "
Herb Caen
Funny
Elephant
Remember
" It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether. "
Johnny Vegas
Me
Question
Love
" The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. "
Terry Pratchett
Trouble
Trying
People
" I'm attracted to women who are smart and funny and ambitious and have lives of their own and great families. Isn't that what attracts anyone? "
Tom Brady
Own
Smart
Great