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" Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark. "

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" The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. "

" It's a funny thing, the less people have to live for, the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing. "

Zora Neale Hurston

" Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. "

" There is always something funny going on between scenes with Adam Sandler. He's always cracking jokes and yelling at people for no reason. It's pretty funny. He'll joke around during scenes, too. When he guest-starred on 'Jessie,' there was nothing in the script that he said first take. "

" I always have a funny story at communion time that underscores that no one is perfect, and that communion is not for perfect people but for hungry people. "

" It's funny, because there are so many stereotypes out there about actors and movie stars in general, but I've had a great opportunity to meet a lot of them, and maybe it's just because they don't behave that way around me, but I rarely see that kind of abuse of power. "

" Every man has a sane spot somewhere. "

Robert Louis Stevenson

" You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. "

" So to me, Texas Hold 'em puts me to sleep. At least when you play stud, you can be funny as you deal. Somebody some day is going to come up with a Stud show that's going to work. "

" The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' "

" Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. "

Henry Kissinger

" Life is hard. After all, it kills you. "

Katharine Hepburn

" To be or not to be. That's not really a question. "

Jean-Luc Godard

" If my mother hadn't laughed at the funny things I did, I probably wouldn't be a comic actor. After she had her first heart attack, the doctor said, 'Try to make her laugh.' And that was the first time I tried to make anyone laugh. "

" They're great girls. They're very funny, they're very smart, they're fun to be with. They're very lively, as I think people can tell. And you know, they're very confident girls. "

" The funny thing is that my husband couldn't be sweeter. He looks like this bad boy. He's got tattoos and earrings and a mohawk, but when you talk to him and he's around you, he's such a gentleman. He holds doors for ladies. He pulls out chairs. He cooks. He cleans. "

" Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore. "

" I can resist everything except temptation. "

" The parrot's so funny. He imitates me and I don't even realize he's doing it. I'm walking around the house talking to myself and whistling and the next day he's said something I've said... it's scary you know? "

" An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out. "

George Jean Nathan

" I can speak Esperanto like a native. "

" Pretty people don't keep comedies on the air. Funny people keep comedies on the air. "

" As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children. "

" I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny. "

" California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. "

" Communism is like one big phone company. "

" Electricity is really just organized lightning. "

" The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! "

" I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. "

" My father was always a straight-up funny guy. He was silly. He was my inspiration. "