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" Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark. "
O. Henry
Want
Turn
Lights
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" The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. "
Fred Allen
Religion
People
Funny
" It's a funny thing, the less people have to live for, the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing. "
Zora Neale Hurston
Live
Losing
People
" Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. "
George Lopez
Relative
Funny
Nice
" There is always something funny going on between scenes with Adam Sandler. He's always cracking jokes and yelling at people for no reason. It's pretty funny. He'll joke around during scenes, too. When he guest-starred on 'Jessie,' there was nothing in the script that he said first take. "
Cameron Boyce
Always
People
Nothing
" I always have a funny story at communion time that underscores that no one is perfect, and that communion is not for perfect people but for hungry people. "
Greg Boyle
Story
People
Funny
" It's funny, because there are so many stereotypes out there about actors and movie stars in general, but I've had a great opportunity to meet a lot of them, and maybe it's just because they don't behave that way around me, but I rarely see that kind of abuse of power. "
Ryan Reynolds
Stars
Opportunity
Great
" Every man has a sane spot somewhere. "
Robert Louis Stevenson
Every Man
Funny
Spot
" You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. "
Milton Berle
Congress
Him
Man
" So to me, Texas Hold 'em puts me to sleep. At least when you play stud, you can be funny as you deal. Somebody some day is going to come up with a Stud show that's going to work. "
Joseph Bologna
Funny
Day
Texas
" The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' "
Isaac Asimov
New
Most
Hear
" Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. "
Henry Kissinger
Thought
Funny
Only
" Life is hard. After all, it kills you. "
Katharine Hepburn
You
Life Is Hard
Funny
" To be or not to be. That's not really a question. "
Jean-Luc Godard
Question
Funny
Really
" If my mother hadn't laughed at the funny things I did, I probably wouldn't be a comic actor. After she had her first heart attack, the doctor said, 'Try to make her laugh.' And that was the first time I tried to make anyone laugh. "
Gene Wilder
Doctor
Time
She
" They're great girls. They're very funny, they're very smart, they're fun to be with. They're very lively, as I think people can tell. And you know, they're very confident girls. "
Laura Bush
Fun
Great
People
" The funny thing is that my husband couldn't be sweeter. He looks like this bad boy. He's got tattoos and earrings and a mohawk, but when you talk to him and he's around you, he's such a gentleman. He holds doors for ladies. He pulls out chairs. He cooks. He cleans. "
Malin Akerman
Gentleman
You
Husband
" Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore. "
Wavy Gravy
Friend
Keep
You
" I can resist everything except temptation. "
Oscar Wilde
Funny
Temptation
Everything
" The parrot's so funny. He imitates me and I don't even realize he's doing it. I'm walking around the house talking to myself and whistling and the next day he's said something I've said... it's scary you know? "
Mick Ralphs
Walking
Me
Myself
" An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out. "
George Jean Nathan
Out
Optimist
Looking
" I can speak Esperanto like a native. "
Spike Milligan
Speak
Native
I Can
" Pretty people don't keep comedies on the air. Funny people keep comedies on the air. "
Allison Jones
Pretty
Keep
People
" As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Friends
Mercy
Children
" I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny. "
Don Rickles
Everything
Life
Out
" California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. "
Fred Allen
Live
Funny
Place
" Communism is like one big phone company. "
Lenny Bruce
Company
Like
Funny
" Electricity is really just organized lightning. "
George Carlin
Organized
Electricity
Funny
" The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! "
Jerry Seinfeld
Take
Want
Anything
" I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. "
Mae West
White
Snow White
Funny
" My father was always a straight-up funny guy. He was silly. He was my inspiration. "
Mike Myers
Guy
Always
He