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" I believe in something. "
Larry David
I Believe In
Believe
I Believe
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" Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I'm - basically inside, I'm a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over. "
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" Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror. "
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" My background is degradation and sloth, mostly. "
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" Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on! "
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" I just feed off the energy of the audience. "
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" Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days. "
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" My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver. "
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" Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate. "
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" OK, I'm happy. I'm happy. All right? I'm happy. "
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" Golf and dating don't mix. "
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" I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny. "
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" I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.' "
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" I don't like to say anything good. I feel like I'll jinx myself. "
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" Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough. "
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" Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis. "
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" I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word 'happy' has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, 'happy.' "
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Now
" It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas. "
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More
" I'm cranky. "
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" Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad. "
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" At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me. "
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Stand
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" Drugs scared me. "
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Reservations
Everything
" When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless. "
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You
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Know
" I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish. "
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First