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" Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad. "

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" I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War. "

" There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation. "

" I believe in something. "

" I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation. "

" Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish. "

" I have no secrets. "

" You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid. "

" I'm a walking, talking enigma. "

" When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that. "

" Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised. "

" I'm not quite as anonymous as I was. "

" I don't have many friends. "

" I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them. "

" I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted. "

" Golf and dating don't mix. "

" It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often. "

" Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally. "

" Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror. "

" I'm cranky. "

" If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny. "

" When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom. "

" Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough. "

" I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after. "

" Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so you could be going along doing a scene, and then the next to last line, all of a sudden, you stumble, and you have to go back to first base. "

" I'm anti-cheese in a salad. "

" It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas. "

" If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable. "

" You write about what you know. "

" Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I'm - basically inside, I'm a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over. "

" Women love a self-confident bald man. "