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" Drugs scared me. "

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" The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore. "

" Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens. "

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" Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it. "

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" I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there. "

" If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable. "

" Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate. "

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" I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted. "

" I'm cranky. "

" Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised. "

" I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous. "

" I believe in something. "

" Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis. "

" I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized. "

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" Golf and dating don't mix. "

" I have reservations about everything I do. "

" I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently. "

" You know, I'm really not that bright. "

" I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through. "

" It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy. "

" I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after. "

" I have quite a house. People come over and I go, 'I know, I'm sorry.' "