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" I'm anti-cheese in a salad. "

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" Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it. "

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" Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious. "

" I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently. "

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" Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I'm - basically inside, I'm a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over. "

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" And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me. "

" If I was going onstage, of course I would talk about it. How could I not? "

" I believe in something. "

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" I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out. "

" The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch. "

" It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often. "

" Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised. "

" You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid. "

" I'm not quite as anonymous as I was. "

" I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big. "

" I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them. "

" I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter. "

" Let's not forget, I got divorced. "

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" All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it. "

" I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there. "

" Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline. "

" There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable! "