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" Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days. "

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" Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I'm - basically inside, I'm a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over. "

" I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word 'happy' has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, 'happy.' "

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" The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch. "

" Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens. "

" I have reservations about everything I do. "

" I'm a walking, talking enigma. "

" Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself. "

" Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious. "

" I'm not quite as anonymous as I was. "

" I have no secrets. "

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" OK, I'm happy. I'm happy. All right? I'm happy. "

" I believe in something. "

" I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me. "

" The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore. "

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" No, I am a crier and if people ever saw me privately they would be shocked at what a bowl of mush I am underneath it all. "

" Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad. "