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" I definitely look at my body and I go: 'Yuck.' "

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" Oh, I love stand-up. "

" Being popular with an audience is a very rickety ladder to be on. "

" I was a nerd growing up, and I'm a little antisocial and awkward. "

" I like all ladies of all different ages. "

" I like being full, every day, with stuff that I have to do. "

" You can't direct without a good crew. "

" America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out. "

" Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on the outsides. "

" I was an awkward kid. "

" I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff. "

" Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic because you transform reality for people. "

" I never viewed money as being 'my money' I always saw it as 'the money.' It's a resource. If it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system. "

" I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself. "

" I do actually use a boxing trainer when I train for stand-up. "

" There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say. "

" I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of. "

" I'm enjoying the work while I get it right now. "

" I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work. "

" You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience. "

" I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard. "

" I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that. "

" When you're young as a comic, you don't have a lot of leverage. "

" Perception is created and twisted so quickly. "

" Life is full of horrible mistakes. "

" If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye. "

" It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally. "

" I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.' "

" Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head. "

" Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. "

" When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides. "