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" Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic because you transform reality for people. "

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" A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together. "

Louis C. K.

Together

Great

Moments

" There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say. "

" I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff. "

" The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to. "

" When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides. "

Louis C. K.

Need

Time

" I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash. "

Louis C. K.

Trash

Want

" I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women. "

" Oh, I love stand-up. "

" I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school. "

" Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me. "

Louis C. K.

Something

You

" I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.' "

" When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us. "

" I don't have a room full of writers pitching ideas. It's just me out of my head. "

Louis C. K.

Head

Ideas

" I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad. "

" I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to you?' "

" You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.' "

" I don't think it makes any sense to try to get anyone to not talk. "

" Comedy isn't polite and it isn't correct and it isn't accurate, even. It's just a mess. So that's the way that I approach it. "

" There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.' "

Louis C. K.

Friend

My Life

" It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally. "

" I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that. "

Louis C. K.

Kids

Know

" I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. "

" I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of. "

" I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.' "

Louis C. K.

Things

" I like being full, every day, with stuff that I have to do. "

" My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people. "

" I like pressure. Pressure doesn't make me crack. It's enabling. I eat pressure, and there might be times when I get a bad feeling in my gut that this might be too much, but you feel pressure when you're not doing something, you know? "

" I would rather be with my kids than anybody else. "

" Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.' "

Louis C. K.

Saying

Think

" Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other stuff. "