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" Being popular with an audience is a very rickety ladder to be on. "

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" I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard. "

" It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me. "

" I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. "

" I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.' "

" There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really curious about what people think they're doing when they're doing something evil, casually. I think it's really interesting, that we benefit from suffering so much, and we excuse ourselves from it. "

" I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat. "

" I like being full, every day, with stuff that I have to do. "

" A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much. "

" A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody. "

" Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me. "

" For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money. "

" I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor. "

" Comedians work great as actors because they're good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like everything's going really well to get a good performance out of them. But, if you have a comedian on the set, you can tell them, 'Hey, you really are screwing this up,' and then they just get better. "

" I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from. "

" To me, art supplies are always okay to buy. "

" You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very cool-oriented. "

" When I got divorced, I thought 'Well, there goes my act.' "

" I don't have a room full of writers pitching ideas. It's just me out of my head. "

" I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash. "

" Some things I think are very conservative, or very liberal. I think when someone falls into one category for everything, I'm very suspicious. It doesn't make sense to me that you'd have the same solution to every issue. "

" I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.' "

" I definitely look at my body and I go: 'Yuck.' "

" I was an awkward kid. "

" Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head. "

" I'm enjoying the work while I get it right now. "

" There's no such thing as a cheap laugh. "

" I like pressure. Pressure doesn't make me crack. It's enabling. I eat pressure, and there might be times when I get a bad feeling in my gut that this might be too much, but you feel pressure when you're not doing something, you know? "

" People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. "

" When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore. "

" I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that. "