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" It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally. "

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" Some things I think are very conservative, or very liberal. I think when someone falls into one category for everything, I'm very suspicious. It doesn't make sense to me that you'd have the same solution to every issue. "

" I'm not a political comedian. That's just not what I do. "

" I don't have a brother in real life. "

" Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me. "

" I like being full, every day, with stuff that I have to do. "

" I've always loved boxing. It's something I've always been extremely excited about. "

" I was a nerd growing up, and I'm a little antisocial and awkward. "

" I'm enjoying the work while I get it right now. "

" Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing. "

" When I got divorced, I thought 'Well, there goes my act.' "

" I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from. "

" Life is full of horrible mistakes. "

" Perception is created and twisted so quickly. "

" I was an awkward kid. "

" There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say. "

" I spend enough time onscreen looking hangdog and depressed. "

" When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don't get any sleep. "

" Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other stuff. "

" The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it. "

" There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.' "

" To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me. "

" I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. "

" I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work. "

" People don't talk to me on airplanes. "

" I never viewed money as being 'my money' I always saw it as 'the money.' It's a resource. If it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system. "

" For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money. "

" It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me. "

" When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us. "

" There's no such thing as a cheap laugh. "

" I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at. "