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" I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard. "

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" It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally. "

" I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that. "

" You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience. "

" I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women. "

" Life is full of horrible mistakes. "

" I don't have a brother in real life. "

" I never viewed money as being 'my money' I always saw it as 'the money.' It's a resource. If it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system. "

" Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head. "

" I don't know what it's like to be an actor, where if your show gets canceled, really you're just a bum. "

" I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.' "

" When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don't get any sleep. "

" I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. "

" If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are. "

" It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me. "

" I like pressure. Pressure doesn't make me crack. It's enabling. I eat pressure, and there might be times when I get a bad feeling in my gut that this might be too much, but you feel pressure when you're not doing something, you know? "

" Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing. "

" A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around. "

" Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. "

" I would rather be with my kids than anybody else. "

" My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people. "

" A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much. "

" The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it. "

" I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work. "

" When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us. "

" I don't think it makes any sense to try to get anyone to not talk. "

" A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together. "

" My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes. "

" Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me. "

" The thing is, comedy's gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness. "

" When you're young as a comic, you don't have a lot of leverage. "