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" Being funny is everything to me. "

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" I had to act in a school play when I was about ten years old. I really didn't want to do it. But everyone had to do it so I didn't have a choice. A talent agent came and watched it and later gave me some work. It's funny because I'd always known that I wanted a movie career. I just didn't think that I would be in the movies. "

Kristen Stewart

" I like bowling. I suck at it, but I like it. You know what's so funny? I have days when I'm absolutely great at doing it, and then I have days when I just don't understand it. "

" This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. "

" Filming is a funny combination of having a good time and not being able to wait until it's over. "

Nicole Holofcener

Having A Good Time

" If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. "

" I know my strong points: I work hard, I have talent, I'm funny, and I'm a good person. "

" Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. "

" I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers. "

" I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. "

" Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. "

" Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn. "

" Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others' discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it's funny. "

" It's funny how I use social media because I don't use it to promote my restaurants that much. I use it for social issues and I think that's what it's for. I do a few things - I mess around with music a lot because that's a passion of mine. If something strikes me and I want to share it, I do. "

" Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. "

" If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month. "

Theodore Roosevelt

" If you could cross a lion and a monkey, that's what I'd be, because monkeys are funny and lions are strong. "

" It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. "

" I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time. "

" We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. "

" The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the girls. I couldn't tell a joke to save my life. "

Seann William Scott

" Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. "

" I love airports because funny things always happen at them. They're giant complexes full of urgency, seriousness, and confusion. Where am I supposed to be? Which way do I go? And that's just the staff. "

" Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick. "

" My mother was a very, very funny, outrageous, outspoken person, and she never edited me. Her whole thing in my life was if anybody had a problem with me, tell them to go to hell. "

" I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working. "

" I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It's just funny. "

" Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them? "

" I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" I like marriage. The idea. "