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" I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! "
Tom Lehrer
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" The people who were in college in the '50s were my first real audience, and their kids, the people who found my records in the cabinet during their 'Mad 'magazine years picked me up also. "
Tom Lehrer
Me
Audience
College
" Irreverence is easy - what's hard is wit. "
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Easy
Irreverence
Wit
" My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun. "
Tom Lehrer
Friends
Money
Fun
" When I was in college, there were certain words you couldn't say in front of a girl. Now you can say them, but you can't say 'girl.' "
Tom Lehrer
Girl
College
You
" Bad weather always looks worse through a window. "
Tom Lehrer
Looks
Bad Weather
Window
" You can't be satirical and not be offensive to somebody. "
Tom Lehrer
Offensive
Satirical
Somebody
" I have always found it interesting... that there are people who regard copyright infringement as a form of flattery. "
Tom Lehrer
Flattery
People
Interesting
" I loved high school, but I wouldn't want to do it again. "
Tom Lehrer
High School
Want
Loved
" When you're in a public profession like I was, and you stop doing it like I did, people think you're either crazy or dead. "
Tom Lehrer
Think
Stop
People
" I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity. "
Tom Lehrer
Adolescence
Trying
Maturity
" I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a novel and then getting up every night and reading your novel. "
Tom Lehrer
Writing
Night
Me
" I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up. "
Tom Lehrer
Person
Up
Shut Up
" I thought about majoring in Math, Chemistry and English, but Math had the fewest requirements, so I went with it. I knew I wanted to teach, and Math was my field, so I studied Math. "
Tom Lehrer
Math
Teach
Thought
" I figure I wrote 37 songs in 20 years, and that's not exactly a full-time job. It wasn't that I was writing and writing and writing and quit. Every now and then I wrote something, and every now and then I didn't. The second just outnumbered the first. "
Tom Lehrer
Writing
Quit
Now And Then
" Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel peace prize. "
Tom Lehrer
Nobel
Satire
Political
" I'm not tempted to write a song about George W. Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the problem: I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them. "
Tom Lehrer
Out
Figure
Problem
" An actress must never lose her ego - without it she has no talent. "
Tom Lehrer
Talent
Ego
Her
" I was immersed in popular songs of the time, of the '30s and '40s. I was writing songs, making fun of the attitudes of those songs, in the musical style of the songs themselves; love songs, folk songs, marches, football. "
Tom Lehrer
Time
Love
Style
" I wasn't really a performer by temperament. "
Tom Lehrer
Performer
Really
Temperament
" San Francisco is a city of twenty-something millionaire white kids named Doug. "
Tom Lehrer
San
City
Kids
" The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability. "
Tom Lehrer
Army
Race
Color
" I stopped performing because I don't have the temperament of a performer. You have to want to do the same thing over and over again. Once I got it right, I didn't want to do it again. I always use the analogy of a novelist who has to read his novel in public night after night. I just didn't want to do it. "
Tom Lehrer
Right
Always
Night
" Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize. "
Tom Lehrer
Peace
Satire
Prize
" Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh. "
Tom Lehrer
You
Funny
Humor
" Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play? "
Tom Lehrer
Play
Did
Apart
" Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your thumbs. "
Tom Lehrer
Just
You
Thumbs
" Be prepared, and be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you. "
Tom Lehrer
You
Your
Be Prepared
" Life is like a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. "
Tom Lehrer
Get
You
Sewer
" I always prided myself on at least trying to be literate and use the right words, and if the audience didn't get it, then they could go home and look it up. "
Tom Lehrer
Trying
Right
Myself
" Eddie Izzard is wonderful, I think, but I've only seen that one HBO special he did. He's one of the few people who talk about stuff other than girlfriends and relationships and flatulence and genitalia. There are very few of them who actually talk about real stuff. "
Tom Lehrer
Relationships
People
Think