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" When you're in a public profession like I was, and you stop doing it like I did, people think you're either crazy or dead. "
Tom Lehrer
Think
Stop
People
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" I wasn't really a performer by temperament. "
Tom Lehrer
Performer
Really
Temperament
" I thought about majoring in Math, Chemistry and English, but Math had the fewest requirements, so I went with it. I knew I wanted to teach, and Math was my field, so I studied Math. "
Tom Lehrer
Math
Teach
Thought
" I'm not tempted to write a song about George W. Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the problem: I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them. "
Tom Lehrer
Out
Figure
Problem
" An actress must never lose her ego - without it she has no talent. "
Tom Lehrer
Talent
Ego
Her
" I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a novel and then getting up every night and reading your novel. "
Tom Lehrer
Writing
Night
Me
" You can't be satirical and not be offensive to somebody. "
Tom Lehrer
Offensive
Satirical
Somebody
" I loved high school, but I wouldn't want to do it again. "
Tom Lehrer
High School
Want
Loved
" Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize. "
Tom Lehrer
Peace
Satire
Prize
" When I was in college, there were certain words you couldn't say in front of a girl. Now you can say them, but you can't say 'girl.' "
Tom Lehrer
Girl
College
You
" I have always found it interesting... that there are people who regard copyright infringement as a form of flattery. "
Tom Lehrer
Flattery
People
Interesting
" I like Jon Stewart. He's not as obnoxious as Dennis Miller, whom I really can't stand. "
Tom Lehrer
Really
He
Like
" There's something mathematically satisfying about music: notes fit together and harmony and all that. And mathematics has to do with abstractions and making connections. "
Tom Lehrer
Harmony
Together
Music
" I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! "
Tom Lehrer
Like
Hate
Know
" Life is like a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. "
Tom Lehrer
Get
You
Sewer
" One of the things I'm proudest of is, on my record 'That Was the Year that Was' in 1965, I made a joke about spending $20 billion sending some clown to the moon. I was against the manned space program then, and I'm even more against it now, that whole waste of money. "
Tom Lehrer
Now
Space
Clown
" If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it. "
Tom Lehrer
Person
Feels
He
" I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up. "
Tom Lehrer
Person
Up
Shut Up
" It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years. "
Tom Lehrer
Been
Thought
Age
" Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play? "
Tom Lehrer
Play
Did
Apart
" It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year. "
Tom Lehrer
Dead
Age
Been
" When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex. "
Tom Lehrer
Than
Sex
You
" My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun. "
Tom Lehrer
Friends
Money
Fun
" Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your thumbs. "
Tom Lehrer
Just
You
Thumbs
" I stopped performing because I don't have the temperament of a performer. You have to want to do the same thing over and over again. Once I got it right, I didn't want to do it again. I always use the analogy of a novelist who has to read his novel in public night after night. I just didn't want to do it. "
Tom Lehrer
Right
Always
Night
" I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity. "
Tom Lehrer
Adolescence
Trying
Maturity
" The people who were in college in the '50s were my first real audience, and their kids, the people who found my records in the cabinet during their 'Mad 'magazine years picked me up also. "
Tom Lehrer
Me
Audience
College
" On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away. "
Tom Lehrer
You
Three
Box
" I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up. "
Tom Lehrer
Shut Up
People
I Wish
" Eddie Izzard is wonderful, I think, but I've only seen that one HBO special he did. He's one of the few people who talk about stuff other than girlfriends and relationships and flatulence and genitalia. There are very few of them who actually talk about real stuff. "
Tom Lehrer
Relationships
People
Think
" I always prided myself on at least trying to be literate and use the right words, and if the audience didn't get it, then they could go home and look it up. "
Tom Lehrer
Trying
Right
Myself