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" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "

David Letterman

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" The human brain is a funny thing: it's very susceptible to tempo and melody. You put the right words to it, and it becomes very influential. "

" Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings. "

Sparky Anderson

" All generalizations are false, including this one. "

Generalizations

" It's funny how a chubby kid can just be having fun, and people call it entertainment! "

" I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church. "

" President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger. "

David Letterman

" We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. "

" In entertainment, I adore Ricky Gervais in 'Derek.' His performance is unbelievably charming, funny and poignant. In life, I adore my girlfriend. She is the most adorable person I have ever met - from her silly jokes to her cute teeth to her little drawings. "

" All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. "

" Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing. "

" My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra. "

Angie Dickinson

" I discovered that funny animal pictures - memes - would get a lot of likes and shares. "

" The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love. "

" I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. "

Flannery O'Connor

" If my mother hadn't laughed at the funny things I did, I probably wouldn't be a comic actor. After she had her first heart attack, the doctor said, 'Try to make her laugh.' And that was the first time I tried to make anyone laugh. "

" All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead. "

" I can really stir up a conversation. Every time I go to a meeting or a casting, I try to make it as light and funny as I can. I'm always making really awkward jokes. You have to make life fun and not take it too seriously. I may look like I'm very serious and into my work, but if you knew me, I'm just a jokester. "

Charlotte McKinney

" If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. "

" I love every minute of fatherhood, staying up all night, changing nappies, kids crying, I find it really funny and inspiring. It connects you to the world in a new way. "

" Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But he's also funny as hell, and he's so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, he's so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way. "

" Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else? "

" I know my strong points: I work hard, I have talent, I'm funny, and I'm a good person. "

" One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. "

Franklin P. Jones

" Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry are two of the hottest girls in the world - and so normal and funny with it. If I was a few years older they are the kind of girls I'd like to date. I want a younger version of Cheryl and Katy - a mixture of the two would be hot. "

" I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. "

" If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny. "

" My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious. "

" One man is as good as another until he has written a book. "

Benjamin Jowett

" A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters. "

Barbara Corcoran

" I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. "