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All Quotes by author - David Letterman
" A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag. "
Thinking
Paris
Know
" Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. "
Worth
Anything
Doing
" As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body. "
Party
You
Body
" Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives. "
Plan
Daughter
Brand
" Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it? "
Health
Man
Good
" Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed. "
You
Spring
Forward
" Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel. "
Say
Bad
Good
" Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. "
Trees
Color
Birds
" For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home. "
Home
God
Love
" Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno. "
Run
Body
Fact
" I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American. "
American
Am
Believe
" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "
Talk
Sing
Dance
" If it wasn't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsover. "
Coffee
Personality
" I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red. "
Had
Face
Boy
" I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves. "
Happiness
Bring
Doing
" I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments. "
You
Know
Great
" I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious. "
Unconscious
Just
Trying
" Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard. "
Name
Doing
Republican
" It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said. "
Race
Will
Enter
" It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan? "
Thanksgiving
Now
Warm
" Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode? "
Last
God
Things
" New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. "
People
Now
Great
" New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. "
New York
You
Remember
" Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger. "
Importance
Next
Pull
" No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney. "
You
Saying
Know
" People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine. "
Say
True
Strangers
" President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger. "
President
Silent
Been
" President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either. "
American
War
Thinking
" President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind? "
Off
President
Wind
" The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral. "
Debate
Now
Own
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