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" You don't want money to make you a social freak where you can only hang out with rich people. "

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" All my interesting stories are from before I was on television. Nothing interesting has happened to me since then. Maybe it's because the most interesting thing in my life is the show and that's on telly. "

" I don't think anyone wants to be gay. "

" Some people think they're depressed and they go to the doctor and want pills. And you just think: 'You hate where you live, you've lost your job, your boyfriend has dumped you, could all this be why you're depressed?' "

" Where I get bored is when I show up for a shoot and they want me to wear a feather boa. Too obvious a thing for a poof on the telly to do. "

" I've so exceeded what I ever wanted to do. "

" Basically, I'm a really bad interviewer. I love meeting celebrities, but then I get a bit bored. Once you meet them you thing, 'really, what an ordinary person'. "

" It's amazing how I can just ramble on for hours, isn't it? And so unentertaining or uninteresting. But I can ramble on for hours. It's a sort of terrible gift, isn't it? "

" I loved Lucille Ball growing up. "

" In terms of language, yeah we get bleeped and blurred and things, but in terms of content, I would probably say we're getting away with more here than we could get away with in Britain. And that surprised us so much! "

" A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them. "

" It sounds deeply shallow, but for brief spells every member of the public can be fascinating. "

" The only people who are desperate to go on the show are people we're desperate not to have on the show. "

" Do I have more depth than I'm given credit for? No! "

" I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything. "

" The BBC will always be attacked by whoever is in government. It is that George Bush thing of 'If you're not with us you are against us.' "

" The BBC is a victim of its own independence. "

" All these people I interview are worth ten times what I'm worth. "

" Forty freaked me out. I didn't see it coming. My life was in a state of chaos - I was moving jobs and moving house - and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. "

" All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I'm relatively available, but not to live with. "

" You don't want to be hard to look at. Plain very good, hard to look at bad. The plain shall inherit the earth; time is our friend. "

" It's lovely to get one successful show - the chances of finding a second one are not so hot. "

" My parents grew up working class, but in that way that working class families do, they spent a fortune on education to better me. "

" I'm actually quite self-sufficient, so it might look as if there isn't room for anyone in my life. That isn't entirely the case. "

" I don't think you should have to try to be nice, I think most people are nice. I think being cheerful and nice is just a politeness. "

" Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do. "

" Tolerance is forced on people in London. "

" I don't think I've got bad taste. I've got no taste. "

" I am really bad at actually interviewing people. "

" My life could have been so grim... really, really grim. "

" An awful lot of female celebrities are very beautiful whereas a lot of male celebrities are not so hot. "