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" I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. "
Mae West
White
Snow White
Funny
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" Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish. "
Chevy Chase
Funny
Pets
Personality
" We are supposed to enjoy the good stuff now, while we can, with the people we love. Life has a funny way of teaching us that lesson over and over again. "
Sheena Easton
Life
Good
Funny
" By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out. "
Richard Dawkins
Out
Funny
Drop
" To be or not to be. That's not really a question. "
Jean-Luc Godard
Question
Funny
Really
" It's obviously funny to be a meme, so I could be down with it in that regard, but it also belittles one's art. "
Grimes
Could
Funny
Down
" My mother was a nurse, and in her era, most diseases weren't understood; people put mustard plasters on knees and rubbed camphor on your chest if you had a cough and did funny things to you if you had tuberculosis - all these things that really made very little difference once proper treatments were brought in. "
Barry Marshall
Difference
Funny
You
" Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. "
Groucho Marx
Who
Women
Missing
" Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from. "
Mae West
Man
Me
Protect
" Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. "
Alexander Woollcott
Like
Illegal
Funny
" Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. "
Lenny Bruce
Beach
Where
Miami
" I've been in more laps than a napkin. "
Mae West
Than
Been
Laps
" An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it. "
Don Marquis
Believe
Funny
Who
" I meditate and I also think about meditation. Which is funny. I think about Maharishi, about just the idea of meditating. It gives me something. "
Brian Wilson
Funny
Think
Just
" It's funny: I always, as a high school teacher and particularly as a high school yearbook teacher, because yearbook staffs are 90 percent female, I got to sit in and overhear teenage girl talk for many years. I like teenage girls; I like their drama, their foibles. And I think, 'I'll be good with a teenage daughter!' "
Rob Thomas
Good
Girl
Teacher
" I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It's just funny. "
Taylor Swift
Now
Like
Hair
" He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. "
Raymond Chandler
Angel
About
Food
" Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. "
Hedy Lamarr
Look
Girl
Funny
" A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up. "
Mae West
Get
Likely
Knows
" When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine. "
David Brenner
Funny
Bar
Looking
" At the end of the day it's got to be a good movie, it's got to be a funny movie, and it's got to make people think, 'Hey, I couldn't have spent my time any better.' "
Tom Hanks
Think
Good
People
" The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith's 'What It Was, Was Football.' I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn't know what any of it meant. "
Ron White
Know
Laugh
Hands
" Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? "
James Thurber
You
Wrong
Funny
" She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years. "
J. B. Priestley
Many
Handsome
Funny
" I heard that people were really interested in the new haircut, which I think is so funny. Great haircut, I really like it. It goes great with the time period. And I was super, super, super-happy to have my bangs swept to the side rather than straight in front of me, which I dealt with for three seasons. I'm very, very much done with that. "
Elisabeth Moss
Seasons
Time
Funny
" I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. "
Flannery O'Connor
Always
Tongue
Funny
" I'm an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat. "
Harold Wilson
Funny
Who
Carries
" Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark. "
O. Henry
Want
Turn
Lights
" There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "
Henry Kissinger
Funny
Schedule
Week
" There's a fine line between angry and grumpy. Angry isn't nice, but grumpy is funny. "
Rick Wakeman
Angry
Nice
Line
" It's so funny because I listen to songs that I recorded that I didn't really know anything about at the time. Later on I'm starting to feel the songs. Sing them first, feel them later. "
Tanya Tucker
Listen
Feel
First