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" It's funny: I always, as a high school teacher and particularly as a high school yearbook teacher, because yearbook staffs are 90 percent female, I got to sit in and overhear teenage girl talk for many years. I like teenage girls; I like their drama, their foibles. And I think, 'I'll be good with a teenage daughter!' "

Rob Thomas

Good

Girl

Teacher

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" I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. "

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" I am built funny. Picture Mark Twain's head on Ichabod Crane's body. Now hold your mental picture to the light and crumple it. "

" You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny. "

" Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion. "

" He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow. "

" What's so funny about cats is that they have this kind of aloof, superior vibe to them. Even if you love them, they are unpredictable. Dogs are more social, and the way that they attach and bond to us is much more human. "

" I think its going to be continually tougher on the big networks as more cable channels do really interesting television. The big networks have a choice to make: Do we try to be all things to all people and get the shows that will deliver 20 million viewers a week? Are we the McDonald's of television? Or are we going to try to be more specific? "

" Being funny wasn't a career choice growing up, it was my way out of situations; a way to survive another day. "

" Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble. "

" Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. "

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" My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. "

" When I was in improv workshops or doing stand-up or writing comedy with others, or just doing comedy, I just laughed. Funny was funny; I loved to laugh. I always liked people I found generally funny. "

" Reading 'Youth in Revolt' might have ruined my career because suddenly I wanted to abandon all the emotional truth of something and just go out far on a literary limb with completely implausible things that relied completely on voice and humor. And what saved me is realizing that I couldn't do that very well. "

" There are so many funny women in the world, and there has been for so many years, so I'll be happy when people can just move on from that, and things can just be 'comedies' and not 'female' or 'male,' and everyone gets an equal opportunity. "

" It's so funny because I listen to songs that I recorded that I didn't really know anything about at the time. Later on I'm starting to feel the songs. Sing them first, feel them later. "

" Eyebrows are really important because they structure the face. In school it was funny because I was always the one walking around with tweezers plucking my girlfriends' eyebrows. I was really good; eyebrow tweezing runs in my family - my mother used to do mine, and I picked it up. "

" Our records, if you have a dark sense of humor, were funny, but our records weren't about comedy. They were about protests, fantasy, confrontation and all that. "

" I went out with seven actors in a row. There are problems with that. I've had the really good-looking dramatic actor, and that has its problems. And then I'll go out with the funny guy. It's almost like the funny guy has more to prove. "

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" A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. "

" The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. "

" There's always going to be someone as funny as you or funnier. "

" Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. "

" Humor is the oxygen of children's literature. There's a lot of competition for children's time, but even kids who hate to read want to read a funny book. "

" The human brain is a funny thing: it's very susceptible to tempo and melody. You put the right words to it, and it becomes very influential. "

" I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern. "

" If you could cross a lion and a monkey, that's what I'd be, because monkeys are funny and lions are strong. "

" If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster. "