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" He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. "

Raymond Chandler

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" I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. "

" I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. "

" There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity, that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity. "

Vladimir Nabokov

" As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children. "

" If my life wasn't funny, it would just be true, and that's unacceptable. "

" When I have had a long day at work, I want something to watch that is funny, lighthearted and easy to get into, and reality is that. I'm not really into serious programmes or documentaries. "

" Fashions have done more harm than revolutions. "

" I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat. "

Political Party

" I think serial monogamy says it all. "

" Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. "

" This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. "

" I'm very, very amateur, which is funny because I'm not in the amateur leagues. "

" Now a 'funnyman' can get a laugh before opening his mouth - looking funny. Lou Costello was one of your great funnymen. Harry Langdon, Larry Semon; they were all funnymen - they looked funny. W.C. Fields was never a comedian. Slim Summerville was a comedian, yet looked funny. Now if you have both attributes, you are in good shape. "

" A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. "

" There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. "

Jean Baudrillard

" All generalizations are false, including this one. "

Generalizations

" My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him - being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and he has the improvisational skills, too. I've never seen anybody better. "

" Every man has a sane spot somewhere. "

Robert Louis Stevenson

" My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" It's funny because I've made a living off of words, but words get in the way of what you really want to say. "

" Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. "

" I don't care how handsome or fabulous or funny the groom is, or how sweet and accommodating the bride, or vice versa. Marriage is hard. "

" I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared. "

" Diane Keaton is good for women in and of herself. She's smart and funny and real. "

" Being funny wasn't a career choice growing up, it was my way out of situations; a way to survive another day. "

" I'm not saying that I'm on some crusade to change people's minds. I'm just doing what I do. I'm a comedian, I'm trying to be funny... I think when they see a comedy show with an Iranian and an Egyptian and two Palestinians, I think they go, 'Oh wow, these guys are just like us.' "

" It's funny how seeing a love story never gets boring, because it's the dream, isn't it? It's the dream to have a true connection with another human being. "

" She jerked away from me like a startled fawn might, if I had a startled fawn and it jerked away from me. "

Raymond Chandler

" Being funny is everything to me. "