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" When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine. "

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" It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. "

Adlai E. Stevenson

" To me, wealth is the peace of mind you have, your family, your friends, your colleagues. Everything else is just money, and it really is funny how people pay so much attention to that. "

Ricardo Salinas Pliego

" It's so funny how social media was just this fun thing, and now it's this monster that consumes so many millennial lives. "

" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "

David Letterman

" One man's folly is another man's wife. "

" If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number? "

" You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't. "

Garry Shandling

" There is always something funny going on between scenes with Adam Sandler. He's always cracking jokes and yelling at people for no reason. It's pretty funny. He'll joke around during scenes, too. When he guest-starred on 'Jessie,' there was nothing in the script that he said first take. "

" Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick. "

" People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" I don't mean to be funny. "

" If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress. "

" When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that. "

" Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. "

" I've always surrounded myself with funny people. "

" You know what? At the end of the day, funny is funny. I hope to see the end of all the female cliches that are written in a lot of comedies that are named chick flicks. "

Wendi McLendon-Covey

" From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere. "

" If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? "

" It's funny. You travel all over the world, and you wind up with a guy from your hometown. "

" I'm not funny. What I am is brave. "

" The human brain is a funny thing: it's very susceptible to tempo and melody. You put the right words to it, and it becomes very influential. "

" I'm not saying that I'm on some crusade to change people's minds. I'm just doing what I do. I'm a comedian, I'm trying to be funny... I think when they see a comedy show with an Iranian and an Egyptian and two Palestinians, I think they go, 'Oh wow, these guys are just like us.' "

" Animals are sentient, intelligent, perceptive, funny and entertaining. We owe them a duty of care as we do to children. "

Michael Morpurgo

" If I get dressed up, and my boyfriend says, 'You look gorgeous,' I kinda feel funny. I don't know if I'm particularly comfortable with being attractive. "

" Funny thing is that the poorer people are, the more generous they seem to be. "

" I'm good at being funny. "

" As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler. "

" I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny. "

" The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love. "

" Men are only as loyal as their options. "