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" The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith's 'What It Was, Was Football.' I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn't know what any of it meant. "

Ron White

Know

Laugh

Hands

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" Macho does not prove mucho. "

" No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are. "

" I saw a stationery store move. "

" I wanted to be that quirky girl who writes funny songs that still have meaning. "

" All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. "

" One man's folly is another man's wife. "

" There are certain sorts of jokes which have only to do with the substitution of the unexpected word in a familiar context. If you translated something into French and then had it translated back into English by somebody who didn't know the original, you'd lose what was funny. "

" A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. "

" Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. "

" Let's make some funny pictures. "

" Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings. "

Sparky Anderson

Funny

" I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. "

" It's funny: I always, as a high school teacher and particularly as a high school yearbook teacher, because yearbook staffs are 90 percent female, I got to sit in and overhear teenage girl talk for many years. I like teenage girls; I like their drama, their foibles. And I think, 'I'll be good with a teenage daughter!' "

" I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. "

" Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. "

" I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it. "

Audrey Hepburn

Dance

Face

" People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. "

" To me, the funniest American of the Twentieth Century is Richard Nixon because he had the most to hide, and he was so bad at hiding it. To me, that's what's really funny - people who think they're doing a great job of hiding stuff, and it just keeps leaking out. "

Harry Shearer

Funny

Great

" I've always surrounded myself with funny people. "

" The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. "

" I never thought of myself as like, a funny person. "

" Unless someone wants to look funny, I'll not recommend anyone to copy my bowling action. But on a serious note, with the confidence that I have got from the amount of runs I have been scoring, when I'm thrown the ball to bowl, I am pretty sure of what I have to do. I may not be the most attractive to watch while bowling, but I can be effective. "

" The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love. "

" I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. "

" It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether. "

Johnny Vegas

Question

Love

" The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes. "

" If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. "

" He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. "

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Pickle

Been

Funny

" Humor is the oxygen of children's literature. There's a lot of competition for children's time, but even kids who hate to read want to read a funny book. "

" I started writing 'Southern Baptist Sissies' right after I had written the screenplay for 'Sordid Lives', so that's when I started on a darker path in telling the truth about my journey in the church, but there was still a lot of funny. "